The Secrets We Keep
by Yankeesam32935
Summary: Blair left New York after Chuck's father died. She's back after four years and she has a deadly secret that she has been keeping from Chuck. Blair is now engaged but when she and Chuck meet again will they sparks fly between them?
1. Chapter 1

The Secrets We Keep- Chapter One

She had to go back to New York, it was past time. Blair took a seat in her spacious living room and sat down in a relic armchair that dated back to the fifteen hundreds. She had been living in France for the last four years ever since she had run away after the horrible night that Chuck's father had died. No one knew the true reason that she had disappeared and she certainly wasn't going to venture that information.

The last four years of her life had been stressful to say the least but she had been happy here in France. Her mother had moved with her and she had opened Waldorf Designs in Paris. Blair had gone into the field of fashion herself and was becoming a highly touted designer for the company. That's when her life had changed. She had met Ben who was her mother's assistant and they had embarked on a whirlwind romance.

Ben had turned out to be everything for her. He was an extremely attractive man in the way that he was blond, blue eyed, and muscular. Everything that Chuck wasn't in another word. She stole a glance down at her ring finger and smiled at the diamond that rested on it. Ben had proposed to her a few months ago and they had yet to set a date. She loved him or at least she thought she did.

Eleanor was now heading back to the States to do another collection for the line and Blair had no choice to accompany her back there. They were all going. She hadn't seen anyone from the Upper East Side in four years but that was all about to change. It was time to go back to New York and finally face her past. The only problem with this was that she didn't want to see Chuck. After she had left it had taken her a good two years to get over him and she still wasn't completely sure that she was over him for good. The problem with seeing him was that it was going to bring all of those feelings rushing back to her. And with her being back in New York for good it was impossible that he wouldn't find out what she had been keeping from him all of these years. She knew that Chuck Bass was going to find out her deadly secret and that thought scared her enough that she didn't even want to go back. There was no turning back now though; she was headed back to New York in less than twenty four hours.

XOXO

She had finally finished packing and now all that was left was to tell Serena the news. She was the only person that Blair had continued talking to after she had left. Their friendship wasn't as close as it once was but they still would always be there for each other through anything. Blair sat down at the desk and picked up the phone. She twirled the cord nervously around her finger while she dialed Serena's number.

After a few rings, Serena picked up. "Hello?"

Blair smiled at the sound of her friend's voice. She missed her. "Hi Serena, it's me."

"Blair!" Serena squealed with excitement. "I haven't heard from you in a while, it's exactly so good to hear your voice."

"You too, S." They had never gotten out of the stage of calling each other by their first initial. "How are things?"

"Good, Blair. Nate thinks I'm pregnant again and he's over the moon. I keep telling him that we shouldn't have a baby so soon after Patrick but he says that he doesn't care. To tell you the truth, I think I am pregnant again. I've being feeling so hormonal not to mention incredibly horny."

Blair laughed with glee at her statement. Serena and Nate had hooked up a couple of months after Blair had left and she had never been angry about it. She had finally realized that she had never loved Nate; she just loved the idea of being with him and what he stood for. She had only loved Chu… She told her mind to stop thinking off him and focused back on her conversation with Serena.

"I'm happy for you, Serena. You have made such a life for yourself and I really couldn't be more proud of you for it. How is my godchild by the way?"

Serena groaned. "He's in the terrible twos stage. He screams at everything and whatever you ask him to do he has a problem with. His favorite word is no."

She laughed even harder at this. "Who does he look like, S?"

"Nate." She laughed. "He looks exactly like his father; I mean sometimes I have a hard time thinking that he's actually mine. That's how much he looks like Nate."

"I'll be seeing him soon."

"What?" Serena asked, not quite believing her ears.

Blair smiled over the phone; she couldn't wait to see Serena. "I'm coming home for good, Serena. My mother got a contract to make a line in the states and as I'm her top designer I will be accompanying her."

"Oh my god, B! I can't wait to see you. It's been so long and I've missed seeing my best friend every day."

"I know, that has been one of the things I have missed the most too. Ben's coming with me, Serena. You're finally going to meet my fiancé."

"He must be pretty special if he convinced you to marry him. I can't wait until I meet him. So, you're going to get married here in New York?"

"Yeah, I was thinking about the Plaza for our wedding."

A sad grin tilted the corners of Serena's mouth. "That sounds amazing. I always wanted a big wedding but Nate and I just wound up eloping instead."

A plan occurred to her suddenly. "We could always have a double wedding, Serena. You could have the wedding you never had and Ben and I would be married at the same time. Nothing would make me happier then to get married at the same time as my best friend."

"Do you mean that, Blair?"

"Yes." She could tell how excited Serena was by the whole idea.

"That sounds like the most amazing plan ever and I want nothing more than to do it with you, Blair. I've always considered you to as a sister."

At her words, Blair knew that she was doing the right thing by returning to New York. She missed it there and of course Serena was there. "Same goes for me, S. I'll see you later tomorrow, okay?"

"I'll pick you up at that airport."

They said their goodbyes and hung up. Blair was excited beyond belief now to go back. France was a great place but it could no way compare to New York. The sights, the sounds, the people, everything was just historic about the place. And of course there was a brown haired and brown eyed devil that she convinced herself she didn't want to see but he really was behind the reason for her whole visit.

XOXO

Blair moved onto the deck with Ben after they had finished eating dinner. She sat down in a chair and swirled the gold liquid around in her wine glass. She was lost in her own thoughts until she heard Ben ask, "Are you excited to go back to New York, Blair?"

She grinned at him. "Yes and no. I love New York and I always will but in a way I am sad to leave this place since it has been my home for the last four years. It's going to be hard, Ben."

He nodded resolutely while he took a sip of scotch. Whenever she saw someone else drinking scotch it always brought back a picture of someone else doing the same thing.

After a few minutes of silence she asked, "I've been thinking of having our wedding at the Plaza, what do you think about that? I also invited Serena to have a double wedding with us since she never actually had a real one."

He waved his hand around. "Whatever you want, Blair." He dismissed her question. "What about your friends? Are you excited to see them?"

A grin titled the corners of her mouth. "Yes, I'm very excited to see Serena. I haven't seen in her in so long and when I was talking to her today I realized how much I really do miss her. It hasn't been easy for me, Ben."

He grabbed her hand and placed a quick kiss in the palm of it. "I know. Everything's going to be okay though, Blair. And even if it's not, I'll be there with you along every step of the way."

She smiled. "Thank you."

He moved his chair over so that he was closer to her. "What about Nate and that other man's name that I've heard you mention to Serena, Chuck was it? Are you excited to see them?"

Her eyes had been wandering around the backyard and had lighted on the pool. She would have to have one last swim before leaving. There was nothing better than a nighttime swim. At her question, she quickly brought her head around to face him. "Nate? Chuck?"

"Yeah, don't sound so surprised Blair. You never mention anyone from your life other than Serena and I do want to know everything about you. We're getting married soon, it's time you tell me some things that happened to you in New York."

Her mouth suddenly felt very dry. "Okay." She whispered. "You have to promise not to judge me though."

"I would never judge you. I love you Blair, I hope you never forget that."

She nodded and thought back to the pain that had been her past in New York. "Nate as you know is now married to Serena but he was actually my boyfriend for many years. I always thought that I was madly in love with him but then everything changed one night and I knew that I just loved the idea of Nate and what he represented instead of actually being in love with him."

"What made you realize that?"

Blair sighed but she couldn't help the smirk that came over her lips. "Chuck Bass did. Chuck was always Nate's best friend and Chuck was always somebody that I found disgusting and perverted. He basically only cares about four things, Nate, money, drinking, and womanizing."

"Wow, he sounds like a great guy." Ben scoffed.

Her grin disappeared. "He's actually the reason that I'm the person that I am today. He helped me find the real me."

He frowned. "I still don't understand how you realized that you weren't in love with Nate."

"Oh, that. One night Nate and I had another huge argument and we broke up. I went looking for Chuck. We had always been friends and I knew that if anyone could cheer me up, it would be Chuck. I found him at his club and to make a long story short, he dared me to dance onstage at the club, I did, he offered me a ride home and I accepted, and then we had sex in the back of his limo."

She couldn't help but laugh at the expression on his face. "Are you serious, Blair?"

His question made her giggle even more. "I am. That's when I knew that I didn't love Nate. At first I thought I just had sex with Chuck to get over Nate but that wasn't the case at all. There was just always something between us. Some underlying sexual tension and not to mention the fact that we were always scheming against someone."

He couldn't help but be intrigued by all of this. "What happened after that night?"

A sad smile came over her face. "We basically had an affair behind Nate's back. A couple of weeks later Nate found out and he wrote both of us off. Later in the year though Nate forgave the both of us."

"What happened between you and Chuck?"

The pain still came back to her at the mere mention of his name. Recalling her past with him was not helping in the least. "Well, there was still always this pull between Chuck and I. We will go back and forth between each other every so often but we never made it work. We were both too stubborn to admit how we felt. One thing about Chuck though, he was a womanizer in the worst sort of way and never bedded the same woman twice. That wasn't the case for me and I knew that he cared more for me than any other person in his life. He never told me he loved me though and after his father died that's when I left and came here to France."

"Did you love him, Blair?"

"I did. When I was a teenager, he was always the one that understood me and got me. He's the only man that I ever loved."

Ben gave her a pointed look.

"What?" Blair suddenly realized what she had said and gulped in a quick breath of air. "Before you of course."

He stood up abruptly before bending down and taking her hand. "Do you still have feelings for him, Blair?"

She shook her head hurriedly. "No, of course not. How can I have feelings for someone that I haven't seen in four years? I was just reminiscing about him, Ben. You know that I love you."

He didn't look convinced. "I trust you Blair, so I will take your word for it. I'm going to go up to bed since we have a long day ahead of us tomorrow. Are you coming?"

"I'll be up in a little while. I want go for a swim before turning in."

"Sure." He replied before leaving her alone.

As soon as he was gone, Blair stood up and stripped down until she was left in her chemise. She dove into the water and relished how the water felt over her body. She swam a few laps before coming to a stop. Ben's question about having feelings still for Chuck has caught her off guard. Ben was an amazing person but if she was honest with herself she would admit that his hair was the wrong color, his smirk wasn't like someone else's she knew, and he could never make her body hum like a certain Bass could do. Essentially she still had feelings for that so called Bass. She shut her eyes tightly and dove under the water.

XOXO

Serena walked through the Van der Woodsen Bass home while she still along with, Patrick, Nate, and Chuck. Blair was due to arrive at the airport within the hour and she still had to find Chuck and tell him that Blair was coming back. He would undoubtedly by furious by the news. He still hadn't quite gotten over the fact that she had left all those years ago.

It had been hard for her when Blair left; she had lost her best friend along with the one person that had always stood by her. After she had left, things had quickly fallen apart with Dan once they had discovered that they shared a sibling. Serena had never really been attracted to Nate even while she had cheated with him while he was still with Blair. Though all of that changed when he had been there for her when she had broken up with Dan and the rest was history now.

After Bart's death, she had become extremely close with Chuck. They were siblings and they loved each other through everything. Their relationship had entirely changed once Bart died; there were no more sly innuendos, or anything else between them. Chuck had changed when his father had died.

She continued walking through the house and finally found him in the parlor with a glass of something in his hand that she presumed was scotch.

"Chuck."

He turned around and grinned at her. "Sis. Do you find out if you're pregnant again?"

She returned his smile. "I'm not really sure yet, it's still too early. But I think Nate's entirely right in thinking that I am."

He chuckled. "Leave it to Nate."

Serena cleared her throat. "I have something to tell you and I'm afraid you're not going to be happy about it."

He set his drink down and immediately went over to her. "What is it? Are you in trouble?"

She shook her head. "It's nothing like that. I'm fine and so is everyone else. In about an hour we're going to have a visitor."

"Who?" He asked, curious about who was coming.

"Blair. She's moving back to New York permanently."

His whole demeanor changed instantly and the easy grin that had been on his face turned to anger. Just hearing her name again after all this time sent shivers down her spine. "Shit. So after all of these years she's finally going to show her face again?"

"It was a long time ago, Chuck. You've got to get over it eventually."

"Are you fucking serious, Serena?" Chuck managed to growl out through his anger. "She left the day after my father died. After she told me that she loved me and would stand by me through anything. How would you feel if she did that to you?"

Serena admitted defeat. "I know that you have a right to be angry but…"

He interrupted her. "But nothing, what she did was the lowest thing that is humanely possible. Why the hell is she coming back now?"

She sighed. "I've tried to tell you what's been going on in her life for years now but you never wanted to hear it. You do now?"

"Just tell me why the fuck she's coming back now. Is it to fuck around with me again?"

"Chuck." She berated. "Blair's coming back because she's the head designer of Waldorf Designs and their doing a line here specifically for New York. But she is staying indefinitely." Serena took a deep breath before relaying the next piece of news. "She's going to get married in a couple of months."

How words knocked whatever fight he had left in him. "She's engaged?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry." She laid a hand on his shoulder.

"I don't care."

"You've moved on, Chuck. I mean you're always with a new woman, you never even cared about Blair. Did you?"

He gave her a hard look. "That's where you wrong, sis. I cared more about Blair than I've ever cared about another human being in my life. Even more than Nate." He walked away from Serena and headed out the door.

Serena watched him leave and knew that keeping these two from ripping each other's throats out was going to be a very difficult task. She picked up her purse and headed out the door to pick up Blair from the airport.

XOXO

Blair walked through the house on her guard to be on the lookout for Chuck. Although Serena had told her that he wasn't there. She turned around the corner and saw Nate.

"Nate." She said with excitement.

Nate put down his paperwork and ran over to her and lifted her in a bear hug. "Blair! You look great, B."

"So do you. You're more handsome than ever and I have to admit that you've landed quite a good wife in Serena."

He laughed with joy. "Yeah, I certainly have. Have you seen Patrick yet?"

She shook her head. "Serena said that she was going to bring him down."

They chatted for a few minutes until they heard Serena coming down the stairs. Blair turned around and for the first time she saw her godchild. She walked over and plucked him from Serena's arms. "Oh, you weren't kidding S when you said that he was a little Nate mini me."

They both laughed and Nate hooked an arm around Serena's waist. "We're glad that you finally get to see your godchild, Blair."

Blair smiled with glee. "You know I'm going to spoil him, right?"

Serena laughed. "Yes, I figured you would. His godfather spoils him pretty much though, so I wouldn't worry about that if I were you."

"Who's the godfather?" Blair asked out of curiosity.

Serena looked at Nate but it was she who answered quietly, "Chuck."

His name still sent a fluttering of butterflies through her entire body.

Serena quickly changed the subject. "So where is this fiancé of yours? Ben?"

"He actually had to take care of some last minute things with my mother but he'll be here within a week."

Serena ruffled her son's hair before saying, "Blair, I need to ask you something."

She handed Patrick to Nate. "Sure. What is it?"

"My mother was excited to hear that you were coming back to New York and decided to thrown a little gala in your honor."

"Wow. That's so nice of Lily. I would love to go, when is it?"

Serena winched. "That's the problem; the only night she could organize it on was tonight. Is that alright? You really have to go Blair since you're the reason it's being thrown."

Blair tapped her fingers against the side of her leg. "It wouldn't be a problem except that I don't have anything to wear. A lot of my luggage is still in France."

Nate chuckled. "I think you forget who your best friend is, Blair. Serena's got a whole closet of things that you could wear."

They all laughed. Blair threw her hands up in the air. "Alright, sounds like my first night back is sure to be an exciting one at that. It's like I was never gone. Is he going to be there, S?"

Serena didn't even have to ask who because she knew who Blair was referring too. "He will be, Blair."

She took a seat on the sofa and contemplated what would happen that night at the gala. After a four year absence she was about to meet up with Chuck again for the first time. She had to make sure she was prepared for it, since Blair was determined not to let him ever find out what she had been keeping from him for the last four years.

To Be Continued…

**A/N: Another new story in the works for me. I'm a little bit of a workhorse when it comes to writing. Alright, this is the first chapter and I'm not entirely sure on it. So if anyone wants me to continue this you must review it. Please? I will be updating Temptation of the Best Kind next. Hopefully by Saturday. **

**-Sam-**


	2. Chapter 2

The Secrets We Keep- Chapter Two

Blair walked up the stairs into Serena's room to decide what she was going to wear for that gala that evening. She brought Patrick upstairs with her as well. She felt guilty that this was the first time she was seeing her godchild when in fact he was over a year and a half.

She opened the door to Serena's spacious bedroom and sat on the floor with Patrick in his lap. He really was the exact replica of his father and she couldn't help feel pleased that Serena and Nate had each other. A few years ago she would have felt extremely jealous that they were together but now she realized that they were more important things in life than that.

Patrick started babbling some inane things while he tugged on one of Blair's earrings. She talked to him about everything that had happened to her recently even though she understood that he wouldn't understand one word of anything that she was saying. It was just nice to finally see her own godchild and bond with him.

"What do you think of that little man?" She asked him.

Patrick looked her in the face and let out a big, "Goo, Gah."

Blair burst out laughing. Ask a baby a question and you should be prepared for the answer you were bound to get. She placed a hand on his head and ruffled his hair playfully. He decided he didn't like that much and pulled hard on a strand of her hair.

"OW!!" She screeched.

Serena flew in the room when she heard Blair yell. "Blair, what's wrong?"

Blair massaged the top of her head. "Your son has got a pretty strong grip there. He tried to physically harm me." She said in a joking manner.

Serena laughed with her. "Yeah, he likes to pull things. Especially hair, that's one of the bad things about having long hair around a child. Anything they can reach, they will try to pull and see if it's attached."

Blair continued to play with Patrick and made goofy faces at him.

"Did you pick out a dress for tonight, Blair?" Serena asked.

She shook her head. "I didn't make it over there yet, S. I decided to get to know my own godchild a little better. He is so cute, Serena."

Serena smiled. "I know, I think he's the most adorable thing in the entire world. And so does Nate. He's got my personality along with Nate's looks. How can he ever go wrong?"

Blair smirked at her. She noticed that Patrick had fallen asleep in her lap and she handed him off to Serena. She left the room to go put him down for his afternoon nap. While Serena was gone, Blair went to her huge closet and went to try and find something suitable for the gala. She didn't have to worry, Serena's closet was bigger than a dress shop and more stocked also. There was at least one of every designer label there and she even noticed a few of her designs that Serena must have bought at one point.

She pursued the racks and tried to decide what would look good on her. She finally chose a deep red gown, which had a beaded bodice and would look great with her honey complexion. Blair knew that it was stupid but she wanted to look absolutely perfect since she was going to have to come face to face with her past tonight. She had done very well for herself since she left but she always felt the need to prove herself to her peers. Blair was still a very unsecure woman underneath it all.

Serena came back into the room and found her in the closet. She noticed that Blair was fingering the red silk of the dress. "Blair, are you nervous about tonight?"

She turned around. "Is it that evident on my face?"

Serena shrugged her shoulders. "No, not really. You're really put together Blair but since I'm your best friend, I can tell. So, let me ask again. Are you nervous about the whole gala tonight?"

Blair tried to control her emotions but found that she had been keeping it inside for too long already. "I know what you're really asking, Serena. You mean am I nervous to see him, don't you?"

Serena nodded once.

Blair sighed and took a seat at the vanity table. "I'm not so much nervous as I just don't want to fight with him. And I know that's going to happen when I see him. That's always how it's been between us. I don't blame him for being mad and when he sees me tonight, I know he's going to be furious." She finally allowed herself to say his name. "Chuck hates me, doesn't he?"

Serena crouched down beside her and rubbed her back. "I've got to tell you something that I should have told you a few years ago, Blair."

"What?" She asked warily.

"After Bart's funeral and Chuck moved back in here we became close. We are brother and sister if you ever saw one. Chuck loves me and I love him. Our relationship is not how you remember it, Blair."

She suddenly felt the urge to swallow hard because she felt like she couldn't breathe. "You're telling me that the two of you are actually close? What happened? I thought you always hated him."

"I did." Serena admitted. "But after you left and Bart died, he changed, Blair. He's grown up and I don't think you're going to recognize the man you see tonight as the Chuck you knew. But then again you might not see it because he's going to be cruel to you because of how much you hurt him. I need you to understand that he's different, Blair. Both of you have to let go of the past and just move on with your lives. Try to be civil to each other tonight."

Her words hit Blair hard. "I have moved on with my life, Serena. I'm not going to start trouble with Chuck. I want to get this out of the way, once I see him then I know that I can keep doing it."

A puzzled look appeared on Serena's face. "What do you mean?" Then it hit her. "Do you still have feelings for him?"

A slight frown came over Blair's face. "What nobody ever understood was how much I really did love Chuck. That never goes away and of course I still have some feelings left for him. But what I meant is that I want to get this out of the way, so I don't have to feel so anxious about running into him. The first time is always the hardest."

Serena nodded her head in agreement. "I'll be there for you every step of the way, Blair. I'm going to let you get ready now." She left the room.

As soon as the door closed, Blair buried her head in her arms and tried to compose herself. This wasn't going to be easy and she knew that. When she had left for France four years ago, she had never thought that she would have to see the face of Chuck Bass again. Now the time had come and she was dreading the moment when they would both see each other again. She also had the secret that she had to keep from him at any cost and he would never forgive her if he found that out. Blair shook her head rapidly, like she thought that was going to rid her of the thoughts of a certain Bass.

She stood up and faced the full length mirror in the closet and slid the dress over her body. Once the dress was in place, she noticed that it showed quite a bit of cleavage. That was not the image that she wanted to present tonight, so she tried on another dress of Serena's. The same thing happened. Serena wasn't as busty and Blair figured that all of the dresses were going to fit like that. She decided to put the red dress back on. She just hoped a certain someone didn't think she was dressing for him, because of course she wasn't. She pulled the zipper of the dress up and went to begin working on piling her hair into a careless yet sophisticated bun with a few tendrils lying against the back of her neck.

XOXO

Blair made her way back to the living room to wait for Serena and Nate. Her clutch started vibrating and she realized that her cell was ringing. She took her phone and glanced at the caller i.d. Ben. A smile crept over her face as she answered it. "Hi, sweetie."

His voice came over the phone. "Blair, how's everything going?"

She nodded even though he couldn't see her. "Everything is fine so far. Serena's mother is throwing me a huge gala tonight to welcome me back. And I'm a little nervous about it since everybody that I haven't seen in four years is going to be there."

"That's great Blair; I wish I could be there with you. But at least this way you'll be able to get reacquainted with everyone from your past."

"That' true, Ben. But I still can't help myself from being a little scared about what everyone's reaction is going to be from seeing me again."

"It's normal, Blair. But you have to remember that whatever anyone thinks of you doesn't matter. The only opinion that matters is yours. You always must remember that."

Her smile grew even wider. "How is it that you always know what to say to get me to calm down?" They chatted for a few more minutes until she asked, "So, what are we about a week from you being here? I hope my mother isn't driving you insane."

He chuckled. "Eleanor is oddly calm right now, Blair. That's actually my reason for the call. I'll be flying in tomorrow night. We have all the business done here and we're ready to make our arrival."

"Wow, that's great." She quickly hung up after that because she didn't know what else there was left to say to her fiancé. Something was bothering her. And she didn't know why she wasn't more excited for Ben's arrival tomorrow night, instead she was dreading it.

XOXO

After waiting another fifteen minutes, Blair made her way into the study in search of Nate and Serena. She found Nate sitting in his desk chair all doled out in his best tux. He smiled at her. "Serena's going to be a little longer; she always takes forever to get ready."

She smiled. "I remember that about her. That's okay though because we have some time to catch up."

"That sounds great, Blair."

She took a seat opposite him and tried her best not to wrinkle the dress. "I've wanted to ask you something, Nate. How did you know that it was Serena? What made the both of you decide to give it another try?"

Nate paused a moment before answering, "I think it was after you left that I decided that I always loved Serena and wanted to with her no matter what." He seemed to realize what he had said and looked ashamed. "Blair, I'm sorry."

She waved his apology off and covered his hand with her own. "Don't worry about it, Nate. I knew back when we were dating that you were in love with Serena. I could always tell and don't apologize for it because you're finally happy with her. That's all I ever wanted for both of you to be happy."

"Thank you." He smiled and laughed before turning serious. "If you don't mind me asking, are you nervous about seeing him tonight?"

The smile that had been residing on her face fell off. "You know that you can say his name, right? Chuck. See, I didn't die from uttering it."

He nodded stupidly.

"I will admit that I am very nervous about his reaction to me. How furious was he when I left and moved to France?"

Nate seemed hesitant to say anything. "I don't think that's my place, Blair."

"Please, I need to be prepared if I'm going to try and be civil to him tonight." She pleaded.

He looked warily at her for another minute before consenting. "Alright, but don't you ever repeat another word of this to Chuck. He wasn't so much furious when you left then he was hurt. Blair, I never seen him like that. It was even worse because Bart had just died but he was unbelievably hurt. And over the last four years his pain and hurt has grown and festered into something even more. He's very bitter towards you, Blair. I remember a conversation that I had with him after you left; he thinks that you never loved him and that it was all a game to you. You abandoned him in his time of need and he's never going to forgive you for that."

She swallowed hard but said nothing.

Nate continued, "But you can't blame him for that, Blair. What was he supposed to think when you took off the day after Bart died? And not to mention the day you told him that you loved him. I know he never said it but he loved you, and I think it's possible that he might still. But nothing is going to triumph over the resentment he feels for you."

She felt the tears spring to her eyes and replied in a low voice, "I loved him, Nate. I loved Chuck more than I've ever loved anybody. I loved him more than I care about myself. And when I saw him the day after Bart died, I couldn't stand to see the pain he was in. I even felt his pain because I loved him so much. I guess, I can't blame him for doubting all of that but he should know how I felt about him. I didn't leave because I wanted too, I left for a reason."

One of Nate's eyebrows quirked. "Why did you leave, Blair?"

She wet her lips before continuing, "Let's just say that I loved Chuck enough to leave him because I knew he would never want to be a part of the reason why I had to leave. All these years later, I still can feel his pain and that kills me. Chuck, you, and Serena will find out the reason I left in time but it's very difficult to talk about. But I do promise you, that I will tell you when I'm ready."

Nate seemed to accept her answer. Serena knocked on the door and came striding into the room. She was wearing a gorgeous gold gown. She smiled at Blair and gave Nate a kiss. She slipped an arm around her. "Are you ready, Blair?"

Blair slipped her arm thorough hers. "I'm as ready as I'll ever be. Let's go."

XOXO

They arrived at the gala a little over a half hour later and it was already in full swing. Blair stepped inside the room where it was being hosted and immediately faces and people started to swarm her. It was just like old times, nothing seemed to have changed. She didn't even have time to look for a certain someone since she was busy talking to so many different people.

Three hours had passed and she hadn't even had a chance to breathe. Her return to New York was a huge event and she knew that this would make the New York society page tomorrow. Her feet were starting to ache because of the fact that she hadn't stopped dancing since she had arrived. All in all, she was having a marvelous time and Blair never thought that this would be an enjoyable event.

She spotted Lily a few minutes later and made her way over to her. Lily noticed her and held her arms open, she and Blair exchanged a hug.

"Lily, I just had to thank you for throwing me this gala. It's nice to have something like this and just throw myself back into the graces of New York."

A beaming smile overtook Lily's face. "It's no problem, Blair. I really wanted to do something for you since I found out that you were coming back. We all missed you and I know that Serena loves having her best friend around again."

Blair laughed. "I feel the same way about Serena. I don't think I realized just how much I missed her and New York until I stepped off the plane. France was never my home but this is." The sentence flew out of her mouth and she was shocked to find that it was the truth. She was happy to be home.

XOXO

Nate walked briskly over to Chuck when he saw him enter the banquet hall. "Chuck."

He turned around and gave a sardonic smile. "Nathaniel, what are you doing?"

"Nothing." Nate didn't hide it very well though.

Chuck smirked. "She's here, then?"

Nate nodded. "That's actually why I decided to come over here. You have to lay off of her Chuck, she's very nervous about seeing you again."

"No, I'm not going to lay off her, not after everything that she's done to me. Where is she?" His eyes scanned the ballroom for Blair but he didn't see her.

Nate shook his head in disgust. "You two are going to wind up killing each other one day. Do you know that?"

Chuck said nothing but continued to scan the room for her. Nate continued, "Don't try anything with her, she's engaged man."

A bark of laughter escaped her lips. "Why in the hell would I want her?"

Nate just gave him a look. "I know you and don't you forget it. You're always going to want Blair, just like she's always going to want you. It's just in your blood."

An ugly look came over Chuck's face. "Blair want me? That's laughable since she never wanted me. I was just a fuck toy to her."

"Chuck!" He hissed. "You know that is not true. Blair loved you; she admitted it to me today."

"She doesn't know what the word means. She abandoned me when my father died and I fucking loved her! Okay, I said it. I did love her and she just left without a second thought."

He laid a consoling hand on Chuck's shoulder. "You're too bitter, Chuck. I know you loved her and she loved you. All that's left is for the two of you to move on."

"Blair always loved you, Nathaniel. Never me, I was just the second choice."

Nate shook his head sadly. "You don't understand what you meant to her. Blair never loved me, just like I never loved her. It was always you, Chuck.

Before Chuck had a chance to respond the crowd began to thin in the ballroom. Chuck spotted his stepmother and a woman next to her. The woman threw her head back with laughter and she turned around. He knew it was Blair, he could tell by her body and the motions of her movements. But when she turned around, he noticed that she was more beautiful than ever. Nate quickly made himself scarce. And Blair and Chuck's gaze's connected for the first time in four years.

XOXO

Her breath immediately left her body when her eyes connected with his. Neither one of them took their eyes off the other. The first thing Blair noticed was how much he had changed. He had become bigger and a little more muscular. Someone would call it perfect. His hair was no longer slicked back, like it had been the last time she had seen him. Instead it was looser and lay almost flat on the top of his head. His eyes were the same dark color and the intensity of his gaze still burned her.

She felt herself move in his direction and she had no control over her body anymore. She had to see him and talk to him at least one more time. Blair kept her eyes trained on his the entire time while she walked towards him. Finally, she stood right in front of him. Their moment had come.

A shy smile came over her face. "Hello, Chuck."

He said nothing and just as she was about to leave because he wouldn't answer her, he swept her in his arms and twirled her around the dance floor. Minutes later, a slow song came over the speakers and they swayed to the music. She put her hands cautiously on top of his shoulders and his hands tightened on her waist. As soon as he touched her, the feeling returned. The feeling that she had been missing for the last four years.

He still hadn't said anything. She felt the need to say something. "Are you going to actually talk to me?"

His eyes turned cold and he asked, "What do you want me to say?"

She bit her lip and shrugged her shoulders. "I don't really know. I just figured you would have something to say to me after all of this time."

A slow smirk spread across his face and she knew that smirk. She felt her stomach tighten in dread. "You want to talk, Blair? Fine. How about we talk about you took off four years ago and I never expected to see you again?"

She sighed. "Can we not rehash the past, Chuck. You've hurt me plenty, so don't compare what I did."

His arms dropped from around her waist. "Yes, I have hurt you. But what you did to me rivaled anything that I could have ever done to you. You abandoned me the day after my father died and you claimed to love me. That sure as hell was bullshit."

She stepped back into his arms and his hands went back to her waist. "What I told you that day was never a lie, I promise you that. There was a reason I left."

"Why?" The word rushed out of his mouth and he needed to know the answer like he needed to have his next breath of air.

"I can't tell you."

"Why not?" He asked again.

"I'm sorry, Chuck. For everything." She whispered.

"God damn it!" He growled. "Tell me why you left."

She reached out with a shaky hand to caress his cheek. He didn't move away. "I left because of something that I discovered and I knew that I could never tell anybody about it without anyone judging me. I will tell you someday but you need to give me some time."

Her words enraged him. "Time? You've been away for over four fucking years and you still can't tell me?"

"Not yet."

He pushed her away from him and a feral growl issued out of him. "Then I will find out. I will do everything I can to find out and trust me I will. Nothing ever stops me and you should know that better than anyone." He gave her one last look full of anger, determination, and passion before he left.

Blair made her way shakily over to a table. She knew that Chuck was serious about finding out why she left. But if he find out why she left, he would also find out her secret. There was only one thing left to do. She had to tell him the truth before he found it out for himself.

To Be Continued…

**A/N: So, do you still like it? Please take the time to let me know. I'm not sure what story I will be updating next, I might be taking a little break. :D**

**-Sam-**


	3. Chapter 3

The Secrets We Keep- Chapter Three

Blair walked through the apartment that she used to call home and it brought back all the memories that she had been trying to repress for so long. She made her way upstairs with Serena and stopped in her bedroom.

"Are you excited to be staying here again, Blair?"

Blair ran her hand over the wood desk in her room and a smile came over her face. "At first I didn't think I was going to be happy staying here again but I find it oddly comforting. This is my true home and I'm happy that I'm back."

She went over to the bed in the middle of the room and a true grin spread across her entire face.

Serena sat down on the bed next to her. "What are you thinking about right now?"

"I don't think you want to know, S."

"Try me."

"Okay, but remember that you asked for this." Serena nodded and she continued, "I was just thinking about how many times Chuck and I made love on this bed." She knew Serena was going to be disgusted by this. Her reaction surprised her.

She laughed instead. "There was a time that I would have been grossed out by hearing that but not anymore. I wasn't lying Blair, when I said that Chuck and I had become close. He's my brother and I love him."

Blair reached out to her and grabbed her hand. "He's lucky to have you, Serena. I'm glad that the two of you became close after I left, even though it still seems a little strange. If there's one thing that Chuck has always needed, it's his family."

"You're still not over him after all of this time, are you?"

"A part of me will always love Chuck. There are times when I miss him so much that I think it's unbearable to even go on with my life without him in it. I know that we hurt each other a lot but I really did love him with my complete heart and soul. There's never been anybody that measured up to him."

Serena looked at her in amazement and threw a comforting arm around her shoulder. "Oh, B. I never knew that your feelings for him were that strong. I thought it was more along the lines of just teenage infatuation."

Blair moved away from Serena and went to stand against the wall while she remembered back to the past. "That's the problem; no one understands how much I did love him. I know that Chuck doesn't. No one has ever bothered to ask me how I felt, everything one just thinks that I'm this strong woman but I have never fully got over Chuck Bass and I never will. I've just buried the feelings underneath this exterior of mine. But none of that matters because Chuck hates me now."

Serena walked up behind her and gently laid a hand on her back. "Blair, I want to tell you one thing. No matter how Chuck acts to you don't think he hates you. He has a lot of pain and anger buried because of what you did and how you left him but he's not capable of hating you. He still cares about you and you're probably the one person in the world that he could never hate. You're the person that has always been able to get through to him and you're going to have to do that again. You have to tell him why you left and maybe then he will be able to understand why you did what you did."

She shook her head quickly. "I do have to tell him why I left, but it's not going to change anything. He's going to be furious when he finds out what I have been hiding from him and everybody else. But if it's any consolation, the day that I left New York, you, and him behind, I completely fell apart. I think I laid in bed for weeks afterwards."

"I have to ask Blair, but I will understand if you don't tell me. Why did you leave?"

Blair looked directly into her face while answering, "I have to tell Chuck first, he deserves that much from me at least. But you will be finding out shortly because I'm planning on telling him tonight."

Serena hugged Blair tightly. "I don't know what happened to you four years ago Blair, but just know that I'm always going to be here for you no matter what." Blair returned the hug and felt like never letting go. "Blair, are you still engaged to Ben?"

"Of course I am. Why would you even ask me that?"

"Well, the way you were just talking about Chuck I just figured that maybe you realized things wouldn't work out between you and Ben."

She shook her head adamantly. "Ben is my future and Chuck is my past. That's just the way things are now."

"Do you love him, Blair?"

She didn't need to ask who Serena was referring too. "I love Ben but I'm not sure if it's as more of a friend or the way I'm supposed to love a man." Blair broke down and finally admitted, "I'm never going to love anyone the way that I loved Chuck. That's just impossible."

"Maybe the two of you can work it out."

"No, that can never happen especially after I tell him why I left in the first place."

Serena knew that she wanted to change the subject, so that's what she decided to do. "I was going to wait and tell you later Blair, but I'm just so excited that you're back and I can't help myself. I confirmed it right after the gala last week and I've been so excited to tell you. I'm pregnant again."

Blair's mouth dropped open but she quickly closed it. "Serena! Congratulations!" She threw herself into her best friend's arms." She was happy for Serena but in a way she was almost jealous. This is what should have happened to her. She had always wanted to get married, have a career, and be a mother at a young age. So far the only thing that happened was her career.

Serena was beaming. "Nate is so excited and we have yet to tell Patrick. He's not going to like sharing the attention we give him with either his brother or sister."

"Serena, I am so happy for you. You have everything you've ever wanted and that's wonderful."

"Thanks, Blair. I always thought I would wind up with Dan but I can't argue that I love my life with Nate and our son."

Blair chuckled. "Don't forget the little one on the way. But seriously S, you know that being with Nate is much better than Dan. I am really happy for you."

Serena picked her purse up from the bed and walked to the door. "I guess I'll see you later."

"Wait, S. I actually was planning on having dinner here tonight. Dorota's coming back with my mother and Ben. Well Eleanor is not going to be coming yet since she still has some business to attend to but Ben will be here. I wanted you to come and bring Nate along with you."

"I wouldn't miss any of that, Blair. I want to meet this Ben of yours."

Blair placed a hand over the door when she saw that Serena was about to leave again. "That's not all. I want you to bring Chuck with you too."

"Chuck?" She asked in shock.

"Yes, convince him because I know he's not going to want to come. But you're his sister and he'll do it for you. I'm going to be back here for good and I don't want things to get any more awkward between us then they are right now. Plus, I want to tell him the reason that I left after dinner tonight."

Serena consented. "Alright, I'll get him to come with Nate and I. And after you tell him the true reason that you left him and New York, don't forget that I will be here for you if you need me. I'm always going to be here, Blair."

"Thanks, Serena. That really means a lot to me."

She watched as Serena left and she thought that she would probably be taking Serena up on her offer later in the night.

XOXO

Ben arrived a few hours before the scheduled dinner time and Blair rushed over to give him a kiss. "Hi, sweetie. How was your flight?"

"Tiring." He answered on a groan. "I'm looking forward to relaxing for a little while before Eleanor comes down here next week. It's going to be nice to have some time off." He loosed the knot of his tie as he spoke.

"Do you have the materials with you?"

He nodded. "Yes, are you going to be working on making the collection this week?"

"Yes, I will be. I want to throw myself back into work." Blair turned very serious for a moment. "Did you bring her with you? I've really missed her the last week."

Ben sighed. "Yes, she's here. Actually, she's with Dorota right now."

Blair nodded her consent. "That's good. I'm going to go see her." She started to walk towards her bedroom before she remembered what she had to tell him. "I wouldn't get too comfortable if I were you. I invited Serena, Nate, and Chuck over for dinner tonight."

He gave her a look of disbelief. "Nate and Chuck? Why are you inviting your former lovers over here?"

"What is wrong with inviting some friends over? Well, Chuck is still hostile towards me and I want to tell him the truth tonight but I would like for us to get back to the friendship zone too. And you could hardly call Nate a lover of mine; I think we slept together a total of three times."

"Alright, how many times have you slept with Chuck?"

A smirk came to her lips. "I've lost count but it was a hell of a lot more than three times. And it's more than you and I have ever slept together."

Blair trotted up the stairs as she left Ben speechless with her proclamation.

XOXO

Once she was upstairs, she put on a jade green dress that brought out the color of her eyes and looped a belt around her waist. Of course she had to pair some Jimmy Choo heels along with the dress and she left her hair loose to cascade around her shoulders. She applied minimal makeup to her face; she didn't want to look like she had tried too hard.

As she was walking down the stairs, the doorbell rang. Blair took a deep breath before walking slowly over to the door. This was it. Once the door was opened, she was face to face with the three of them. Serena looked excited, Nate anxious, and Chuck looked like he would rather be anywhere than here.

A true smile came over her face. "Thanks for coming. Come on in."

Blair hugged both Serena and Nate. Chuck stood right in front of her. "Chuck." She said warily.

"Blair." He sneered, his voice full of contempt.

She knew this was going to be a hard night just by the tone of Chuck's voice. She needed for Chuck to not be so hostile towards her, so she tried again. Blair wrapped her arms around his neck in a hug.

As soon as her arms were around him, Chuck felt the familiar tug of desire that had failed to go away after even four years. He wanted nothing more to hug her back but he couldn't. His anger towards her hadn't faded in the last couple of years, and if anything, seeing her again just reignited it. But he would admit only to himself, that she had grown even more beautiful since that last time he had seen her which shouldn't even be possible. He still wanted her but he would never have her again after everything that she had done to him.

He stepped out of the circle of her arms without returning her hug. He noticed the expression on her face and she looked devastated that he had rebuffed her. The guilt swarmed through his body, she had always had this effect on him and he knew that would never change. He brought a hand up to a loose lock of her hair and touched it, the silkiness of her hair caressing his fingers. "Your hair is lighter."

Blair brought her hand up to the lock that he was touching and her hand accidently touched his. The electricity sizzled between them when they had touched, and both of them dropped their hands instantly. "I lightened it a few years ago. Does it look bad?" She said as she looked critically at her hair, which was now a light brown shade that had some gold highlights mixed in with it.

"No." Chuck whispered. "I like it." A smirk came over his face. "I always liked when you wore your hair down and I still remember those damn headbands of yours that you used to wear."

She laughed. "Well, I think I've grown out of the headband stage now."

Chuck laughed with her but stopped immediately when he realized that she was working past his defenses again. He composed his mouth into a grim line and moved away from her and went to join Nate and Serena. She wasn't going to do this to him again, he promised himself that. He only hoped that he would be able to keep his promise.

Blair sighed in defeat. They had been getting somewhere. She walked over to join Serena and Nate, who were exchanging a glance with each other. She led them into the living room and Serena squealed when she saw what was there.

Serena walked up to the dress forms. "Are these some of your designs, Blair?"

Blair chuckled as she Nate and Chuck took a seat on the couch. She went over to join Serena. "They are. I have to begin working on my collection now that I'm here."

Serena fingered a particular silk pink chiffon dress. "Wow, this is gorgeous."

"Thanks, Serena. I'm going to be making a lot of clothes for this collection and some of them are not going to work, so whatever I decide that shouldn't be in the collection, I will be giving to you."

Serena smiled and threw her arms around Blair. "Blair!"

"You've done really well for yourself, Blair." Nate commented from the couch.

She threw him a grateful glance. "Thank you. When I left, I really didn't know what I was going to with my life but it just seemed natural to join in with my mother's company. And it's amazing that I did because I just seem to have a natural talent for it. France is one of the fashion capitals in the world and it was a great place to start my career but I really have missed it here in New York. This is my home."

"It didn't seem to me that you missed New York too much when no one has seen you in the last four years." Chuck said harshly, a drink already in his hand.

Her eyes caught his and she held his gaze. She was determined not to have a fight with him tonight. "It may have not seemed like it, but I've missed it here more than you can ever imagine."

Chuck let out a snort of disbelief.

Blair decided to ignore him since it was his every intention to make this night as miserable as possible for her. Everyone was silent for a few minutes until Serena asked, "Where's Ben?"

"Oh, he'll be down in a little bit. He's just changing."

"I can't wait to meet him, Blair."

Blair was just about to respond when her cell phone started ringing. She glanced at the caller i.d. She motioned to the phone. "It' my mother, she probably has some fashion emergency for me. I'll be right back." She moved into the hallway.

As soon as Blair was out of sight, Serena rounded on Chuck. "Can't you just try and have a good time without having it out with her?"

Chuck gaped back at her. "After everything that she has done to me and she doesn't even have the decency to tell me why she left in the first place. I'm sorry Serena, but I am not going to kiss her ass and act like what happened didn't."

Serena placed an arm on his shoulder. "Chuck, we know that you still care about her. Maybe somehow you can make it work."

"I have no feelings whatsoever for Blair anymore." He said, but even as he spoke the words he knew that it was a lie.

Serena gave him a pitying look. "We know better than that, Chuck."

"Think whatever you want."

He stormed over to the liquor cabinet and poured himself another drink. Serena laid her hand on Nate's shoulder in defeat while he placed a soft kiss in her hair. "Everything will be okay, Serena. Don't worry about anything." He said reassuringly, but Serena knew that Nate was wrong. Nothing would ever be alright as long as the other two were around each other.

XOXO

Dinner passed smoothly. Everyone got to meet Ben. The dinner was not awkward or tense in the least probably because Chuck spoke to no one. Blair and Serena chatted, while Nate and Ben got to know each other, but Chuck just stared moodily into his plate the whole time.

Things started to get a little dicier when they moved into the study for after dinner cocktails.

Blair sat on a sofa in between Ben and Nate while Serena and Chuck took the other one right across from them. It didn't help that Chuck kept throwing her looks of disgust and all she wanted to do was make him like her enough again so that they could have a friendship. Although in a part of her mind, she knew that they could never go back to just being friends again. There was too much history and not to mention the chemistry that was still there.

Blair smiled at Serena. "Congratulations again, Serena. And not to mention you too Nate, or should I call you daddy?"

Nate beamed and she laughed along with him while Chuck looked at Serena. "Is that true, Serena?"

Serena nodded with restrained excitement. "It is, Chuck. I'm pregnant again." Chuck laughed with joy and hauled Serena against him in a bone crushing hug.

She laughed with him as she returned Chuck's hug. He placed a soft kiss on the top of her head. "I'm so happy for you, Serena. I can't wait to be an uncle again. I'm going to spoil this one as much as Patrick." Chuck turned to Nate. "Congratulations, man. You've done your job well."

Blair watched the scene unfold and she felt close to tears. Chuck felt her gaze on him and he growled, "What?"

Blair smiled. "I'm just really happy that the two of you became so close. You really have always needed each other and nothing makes me happier to see that the two of you have become a real family."

"Is that so, Blair?" Chuck said her name with as much contempt as he could put behind it.

Her smile vanished and Ben finally spoke up and asked, "Why are you so angry at Blair? What has she ever done to you?"

Dread went through her at Ben's words because she knew how Chuck was going to react. She placed a hand on his thigh. "Ben, don't."

"That's right; Blair would never want you to know something about me that I'm sure she's failed to tell you."

She gloated in his direction. "Chuck, I told him about our past relationship."

Chuck looked shocked for a moment but continued on, "Yeah right."

Ben started at Chuck with disdain. "She has. I know all about the night of the limo, and how you and Blair were sneaking around behind Nate's back."

Chuck's mouth basically dropped open. "You told him, Blair?"

She smoothed a hand down her dress and looked him right in the eyes. "I did, Chuck. Obviously you don't know me as well as you used to. I've changed."

He said nothing, but he continued to stare back at her with unabashed speechlessness.

A quick smile came over her face, and she heard Serena ask, "What are you thinking about, Blair?"

A chuckle escaped from her mouth. "I was actually just remembering the time that we were in my bedroom and we were about to have sex but then Nate dropped by to ask me to the cotillion. Do you remember that?"

His eyes widened. "Of course I remember that, Blair. One of the best days of my life." He added sarcastically.

Her smiled didn't waver. "Well until that point, everything was going pretty well in our relationship wasn't it?"

Just as Chuck was about to answer, Ben interrupted, "I don't think you should be talking about the times that you and Chuck had sex, Blair. It's very childish."

Blair and Chuck both ignored him because to them, they were the only two people in the room now.

Chuck answered her question. "Yeah, everything between us was amazing for a while Blair, until you decided to fuck me over."

She gasped, "How did I fuck you over?"

He couldn't hold back his feelings anymore; he had to let her know how he felt. "You left! I still can't believe you did that and you claimed to care about me." Both of them stood up and met in the center of the room. He shouted in her face. "You told me you loved me and now I know that was a fucking lie!"

Blair poked him in the chest with a finger. "Don't act like I didn't love you, Chuck. Because I did, I loved you with my entire heart and soul."

"Bullshit!"

She shook her head in dismay. "Some of the things that happened between us were not my fault. You were the one that could never tell me how you felt about me. Remember what happened in Tuscany and at the white party? Was that my fault too? You could never say those three words to me but I did say them to you."

Everyone else ceased to exist around them but each other. Chuck moved his face closer to hers. "You knew how I felt about you."

"No, I didn't. You never told me."

"Actions speak louder than words sometimes, Blair! I risked everything for you, and I fucked up my friendship with Nate for you. How clearer could it have been?"

Chuck was panting in her face and she couldn't take her eyes off of him. The heat combusted between them and exploded. "I think we need to finish this conversation in private, Chuck."

She motioned to her bedroom and Chuck followed her, leaving Nate, Serena, and Ben gaping after them.

XOXO

As soon as she had entered her bedroom, she rounded on Chuck. "Why do you keep doing this to me?"

"Doing what?" He asked on a gasp of air, he was busy staring at her cleavage that was threatening to burst out of her dress.

A tear slid down her cheek. "This! You keep insisting that I never loved you, Chuck." Her hand moved up to his cheek. "I loved you Chuck and a part of me always will. You are the only person that I know that could ever understand me the way that you do."

His breath came faster as her hand caressed her cheek. "Do you have any feelings for me, Chuck?"

"No, you killed them the day that you left me."

She snatched her hand away from his and turned away from him. The tears continued to pour down her face.

"I mean obviously I still wish that I could fuck you one more time." He said cruelly and the pain coursed through her body. "The day that you left, was the day that you broke me Blair. I can never have feelings for you after what you did to me."

She turned around to face him. "I understand, Chuck. I don't blame you for being angry at me but I hope that one day you will realize that, I will always love you no matter what. It doesn't matter if you hate me, because my feelings are never going to go away. I hope that you can find happiness one day." She turned to leave but he grasped her around the waist and leaned his forehead against hers.

"Blair." He breathed against her and it just felt so good to have her in his arms again. "You know that what I just said was pure shit. I could never hate you and you are the only woman that I have ever had feelings for. That's never going to go away but I'm never going to be able to forgive you for what you've done to me. Just tell me why you left. If I know then maybe in time, we can get back to a comfortable place and try to be civil to each other. That's not going to happen until I know what made you leave."

"Okay." She whispered. "I'll tell you the reason that I left."

Blair took a deep breath before beginning to tell Chuck the secret that she had been keeping and she knew that he was going to despise her after what she had admitted.

To Be Continued.

**A/N: OMG! Please don't throw anything at me for ending the chapter right there! I know, I know, but I do promise that Blair's secret will be revealed in the next chapter. I didn't think that I was going to get this chapter up but last night the inspiration came to me and here it is. Make me day and leave me some feedback. Sorry for that cliffhanger. Until next time. :D**


	4. Chapter 4

His head snapped up at her words and he looked at her with disbelief. "Are you really going to tell me Blair or is this another one of your games. Because if it's a game, you might as well not even bother."

Blair looked into his face and she felt her heart beat with trepidation and excitement. A lock of hair fell over his face and she brushed it back with her fingers, her hand stayed on the side of his face. "I really want to tell you, Chuck. I've always wanted to, I've just been scared."

He sat down on a chair in her bedroom and brought her down to sit next to him. "Tell me, Blair." He insisted.

She nodded but found that the words just wouldn't come out of her mouth. "I'm afraid that you're going to hate me when I tell you the truth, Chuck. And I don't think I could bear it if you do wind up hating me. You're the one person that I always felt that I could tell anything but this just makes me feel so uneasy."

Chuck placed one of his hands at the back of her neck and started to rub the tension away. As soon as his hand touched her, she felt the electricity crackle between them. She looked into his eyes and she knew that he felt the same thing too.

He continued to rub her neck while he said, "I will never hate you, Blair. I need for you to believe me on that. When you left, I wanted to hate you because of how you made me feel. But I could never bring myself to do it. And when my father died, I always expected you to be the one person that would always be here for me and when you weren't, I won't deny that it didn't hurt."

She wiped a tear away that had dripped down her cheek. "I wanted to be there for you so much, Chuck. I never wanted to leave but something made me."

"What?" His heart positively skipped a beat while he waited for her answer.

The tears continued to cascade down her face while she looked at him. Blair could still feel the same pain that she had the day when she knew that she was going to have to leave. It hurt as much today as ever. "I left because I…"

Just as she was about to tell him, the door burst open and Ben was on the other side taking in the situation. Chuck still had his hand on her neck and Blair had placed her hand on his thigh. She didn't remove her hand and looked at Ben with a look keen to annoyance. "Ben, I'm in the middle of something. What's the problem?"

Ben stepped into the room and Chuck growled with impatience. Ben went over to her and placed a hand on her shoulder and tried to get her to move away from Chuck. "Blair, this isn't sensible."

Blair threw his hand off of her. "Ben, this isn't the time to interrupt. I was just in the middle of telling Chuck something."

Chuck stayed silent while he watched the exchange between them but he noticed that Blair was pissed as anything.

"Were you really just about to tell him the truth, Blair?"

"Yes." She answered without hesitation.

Chuck stood up angrily and shoved Blair's hand off of him. "Are you really fucking telling me that your fiancée knows why you left but I still don't?"

She rushed over to him and ignored Ben. "I was just about to tell you though, Chuck."

"Blair, don't." Ben called from the corner of the room.

Chuck glowered at him. "Will you shut the fuck up and just let her tell me? I've waited over four years for this day and I don't want to be deprived of knowing any longer."

Ben slowly walked over to them and grabbed Blair by the shoulders. "Blair, think about what will happen if you tell him. You already know that he hates you, so why even bother telling him. It's only going to make him hate you more."

Blair flinched but Chuck growled, "I don't hate her. You know nothing about our past, so don't act like you do."

Ben nodded. "That's why Blair told me that you were the most notorious womanizer that Manhattan has ever seen. It was all just about sex to you, wasn't it? Don't spare Blair's feelings just because she still cares about you. She deserves to know the truth, Bass."

Chuck spoke to Ben but looked into Blair's face. "It was about sex for all the other women that I've slept with but that was never how it was with Blair. From day one it was more than that, and she knows that. Don't you?" His voice had taken on a needy tone and he needed to know that she knew that he had cared about her.

A watery smile came to her face. "I knew that, Chuck. I was the only girl that ever made an impact on your life just like you were the only man to do that for me."

"Blair." Ben admonished.

She shook her head in irritation. "Before Ben. I'm talking about when we were teenagers. Now would you please leave us alone for a while so I can tell him the truth?"

He shook his head. "Just talk to me for a minute and then if you want to still tell him the reason you left, then I will let you."

"Let you?" Chuck questioned. "What do you think you own her? No one owns a Waldorf."

Blair grinned at his comment but turned back to her fiancée. "Fine, you have five minutes. But I'm not going to be persuaded, I am going to tell Chuck the truth. He deserves it, Ben."

Blair made to walk out of her bedroom but Chuck caught her wrist in his hand. "Don't go, Blair." He pleaded. "If you do, you're never going to tell me what happened and what made you want to leave. And I need to know. It's not a question of wanting, I need to know."

"I'll be back in five minutes and I promise you that I will tell you the truth, Chuck. It's past time and I have to let you know."

Chuck shook his head in exasperation and Blair and Ben left the room.

XOXO

As soon as Blair led Ben into another room, she rounded on him. "Why the hell did you have to come and barge in on us just as I was about to tell him?"

"Blair, I just want to make sure that you know what you're doing. Because if you go back in there and tell him, you're never going to be able to erase it."

She sighed. "I know what I'm doing, Ben. I've kept the truth from here for over four years; don't you think it's time that I told him the truth?"

He nodded. "I know that he needs to know Blair, but I'm just trying to think of you here. You know that as soon as he finds out, he's going to want to destroy you. He'll never forgive you for what you've done to him. He'll make certain to destroy everything that you know and love. Then you'll be back at square one."

"How do you even know that?" Blair asked in astonishment. "You just met Chuck tonight, you know nothing about him. He told me tonight that he could never hate me and I believe, and there's nothing that you can say that will convince me not to tell him."

"Alright, I just want to make sure that you think twice about this decision. I just don't want to see you hurt anymore by him Blair, I hate seeing you in so much pain. I know you still love him. It's evident on your face, the way you react to him, and most importantly, he can see it too. Don't let him do this to you again, Blair."

She walked over to him and placed a hand on his face while her eyes glossed over with tears. "You're good for me, you know that? I don't know if I still love him, Ben. But seeing him again has brought back all these memories and not all of them were bad. I see him and I just want us to get back to that place where we're comfortable with each other. I still care deeply for Chuck and I know that it doesn't matter if I'm in love with him because we both know what our relationship is. I agreed to take on the secret you've been keeping your whole life, just as you did with me. And I've never regretted that, Ben."

"Are you still going to marry me, Blair?"

"Yes, I will. That's what we agreed on when we decided that we were going to have to fake our relationship to be able to keep both of our secrets. I would never back out of that now."

Ben breathed a sigh of relief. "Are you still going to tell Chuck the truth? Don't do it, Blair."

"I won't tell him right now but eventually it's going to come out, Ben. Let me go tell him myself that I can't do this right now and I'll meet you downstairs."

He threaded a hand through one of hers. "Fifteen minutes?" She nodded. "I'm really happy that you decided to see reason Blair because you know that Chuck never loved you."

At that moment she felt like slapping him right across the face but she said nothing to him. She thought he was wrong, but she wasn't sure about Chuck never loving her because she could still see the way he looked at her, and she knew that what they had between them would never die. But she still wasn't convinced that he had ever loved her and that killed a part of her. She watched as Ben headed back downstairs obviously pleased with himself that he had convinced her not to tell Chuck the truth. Blair had deceived him though and she wasn't sorry about that. She slipped her way back into her own bedroom.

XOXO

"Well?" Chuck questioned as soon as she had walked back through the door.

Blair grimaced. "Ben doesn't want me to tell you the truth because he thinks that you never cared about me, and he doesn't want me to get hurt anymore."

He shook his head in disgust. "Of course, he doesn't want you to fucking tell me. He's jealous and you know that what he said was all bullshit. I can't believe this; you did it to me again Blair. You told me that you would tell and now you're just going to back out of it again? Why are you such a coward?"

"I'm not a coward!"

"Yes, you fucking are." He snarled. "Was this all just a little game that the two of your concocted up to see how I would react? You were never going to tell me, were you?"

"Chuck." She breathed hard due to her extreme nervousness. "You know that I would never play a game like that with you. I was planning on telling you and I still am, but it has to be tomorrow. I want you to come over here tomorrow afternoon while Ben isn't here and I will tell you the truth. I promise you."

He shoved his was past her and strode to the door. "Fuck that! I don't believe you and who the hell are you kidding by telling me that you wouldn't play games with me? You've been stringing me along ever since that night in the limo. And I'm fucking tired of it and I'm not going to do it anymore."

She rushed over to him and placed a hand on his back. "Chuck."

"What?"

"Don't do this. I really am going to tell you."

"Right, I know this is just another one of your petty tricks to get a rise out of me Blair. You've done this to me too many times."

Blair gripped his arm hard and turned him around to face her. She saw the devastated look in his eyes. "Chuck, you've got to stop acting like everything was my entire fault. I know that what I did to you was horrible but you hurt me too many times to count. What about the day that I told you that I loved you at Bart's funeral? Do you remember what you said to me?"

He didn't answer her but instead looked back at her stoically.

She continued, "I put my heart on the line for you that day and I wanted too. Your face was so grief stricken and I still remember what you look like, it broke my heart. And that day when I told you that I loved you it wasn't because I felt sorry for you or because of pity, it was because I was tired of playing these games between us about who would say it first. I knew that I loved you and I wanted you to hear it, and there was no better time than at your father's funeral to say it. I saw the emotions come over your face and I knew that you cared about me but I wasn't sure if you loved me. I wanted to hear you say those three words to me and it would have made me the happiest person in the world. Instead, you said, well, that's too bad. I still can't get that out of my head and I'll never be able too. I know that I hurt you Chuck but when you said that to me, I felt like a piece of me died."

A glimmer of guilt came over his face. "Blair." He whispered. "I wanted to tell you but I couldn't. That was the most horrible day of my life and it still is."

"Why couldn't you tell me?"

He closed his eyes because she was starting to break through and he was developing feelings for her again. He knew that she was only going to fuck him over in the end and so he decided to push whatever he felt for her aside and be cruel to her. Chuck looked into her hopeful eyes and said, "I couldn't say those words to you because they weren't true. I cared about you more than any other woman in my life but I could never bring myself to love you, especially after what you did. I'm glad that I never loved you because I would have been destroyed by you."

The hurt radiated out of her eyes and she gasped for breath as she looked at him. "Is that the truth?"

"It is." He lied.

Tears continued to stream down her face and she didn't even try to stop them. "You never loved me. It sounds so strange to say that because a part of me always thought that you did. This changes nothing, Chuck. What you just said hurts me more than anything else I have ever heard in my life, but I'm not going to take back what I just said because that wouldn't be truthful. I did love you and a part of me will always continue to do so. I will never stop caring for you, Chuck. Like I said, nothing you ever do or say will be enough for me to hate you." She lightly touched his face. "My feelings will never change and I am going to tell you the truth tomorrow, so make sure you're here."

Blair walked to the door and without looking back at him, she left. He stood there a long time just staring at where she had stood. "I love you too." He whispered to the empty room and he wished Blair was still in there, so he could tell her the truth. He had always loved her and nothing could ever change that. Even after everything she had done to him, he could never stop loving her. Tears formed in his eyes but he refused to shed them. Blair Waldorf brought out the worst in him but a part of her also brought out the best.

XOXO

"Are you okay, Blair?"

Blair turned at the sound of Serena's voice and she knew that anyone who looked at her would be able to distinguish the pain in her eyes.

"I'm fine, Serena."

Nate stood behind Serena and he bent down and placed Patrick in Blair's lap. Patrick immediately noticed that she was upset and planted a wet kiss on Blair's mouth. Serena laughed but all it made Blair do was cry. At seeing this, Patrick got upset and held tighter on to Blair. She tried to comfort him and rub his back but she was sobbing too hard to even do that. Nate eventually took him off of her lap and went to bring him back to his bedroom, to give Serena and Blair a minute alone.

The concern showed on Serena's face. "What's wrong, B?"

She shook her head. "Nothing." At one look from Serena, she admitted, "Everything. Chuck and I were talking last night and he admitted that he never loved me and it's just hit me very hard. A part of me always thought that he loved me but I guess that was just stupid. I know that I shouldn't feel so down about it but I just can't seem to help myself."

Serena was furious that her brother had said that to Blair because she knew the truth. She knew that Chuck loved Blair was an intensity that could never change, but she said nothing because it wasn't her fight. Instead she asked a question. "Do you still love him, Blair?"

At the word love, Blair's head snapped up. "Yes." She whispered.

Serena gave her a pitying look. "Did you ever get over him?"

She shook her head. "No, I really didn't. I convinced myself for a while that I did but it was a lie. While I was in France, there wasn't a night that passed that I didn't think about him or what we could have had. I just miss him, but at least I know that he never loved me, maybe now I can try to move on."

"What about Ben?"

"I'm still going to marry him, Serena. He knows that I still love Chuck and our relationship is actually based on an arrangement. We both benefit from it and I don't see any reason to stop it. If Chuck loved me too, then it would be a different story. But seeing as how that isn't that case, Ben and I will still be getting married in two months."

Serena shook her head at both Chuck and Blair's stupidity. She had to tell Blair the truth about Chuck, the truth he had been hiding for so long from Blair. He wasn't as innocent as all this as he would like everyone to believe, Serena knew the secret that he was hiding from Blair and now was the time to tell her. "Blair, I have to tell you something very important."

Blair waved her hand. "It will have to wait until later; I'm already late for meeting Chuck. Well, I don't even know if he is going to show up. But if he does, I am going to tell him the truth. Nothing will stop me this time."

Serena hugged her. "Good luck with everything, Blair."

"Thanks, S. I am going to need it."

XOXO

Just as she got to the front door, Blair saw that Chuck was there waiting for her. Immediately the feelings of hurt began to creep up on her. "You came." She said simply.

He quirked an eyebrow. "You sound surprised."

She inserted her key into the door and went inside, Chuck followed her. "After last night, I didn't think you would come. It's obvious that you care nothing for me, so why do you even want to know why I left?"

He started to move towards her and she backed up against the wall. "I told you that I need to know the truth finally. Just tell me."

"Why?" She whispered. "Last night you made your feelings toward me perfectly clear. So, what does it even matter?"

Chuck grabbed her shoulders in his hands. "What I said last night was a lie. You were getting to me and I just lied, so you would back the hell off and I could try to convince myself that I felt nothing for you."

"And?"

"Total shit. I can't forget you Blair and I want to so badly. Why the hell can't I move on from you?" He looked deeply into her eyes and she noticed the lust that had appeared.

"Am I supposed to actually believe this when you told me last night that I never meant anything to you? And you accuse me of playing games. You're just contradicting yourself, Bass."

A grin lit up his face at the use of her using his last name. It was a term of endearment, but his grin slowly faded. "I loved you, Blair. That's why I'm still so bitter because you left me and I loved you."

"You loved me?" The words came out in a rush and she searched his face to see if he was telling the truth. It appeared that he was.

He stroked her hair. "How could you not know? I thought you knew, everybody else did. How long was I friends with Nate? And then ever since the first night we made love, I couldn't forget you. I needed you; it was even a question of staying away from you because I couldn't. It was out of the question. You are the only woman that I have ever slept with more than once, usually when I fuck somebody, that's it. I get bored and move onto the next. But with us it was never fucking, it was making love. I screwed up my fucking friendship with Nate for you. I would never do that for anyone but you. And I loved you." Now that he had finally told her, the words came easily to his lips. He implored her with his eyes to believe him and he knew that she could tell he was telling the truth by the desperate plea in his voice.

Tears sprang to her eyes and she moved her hand to cover his chest where his heart resided. "I loved you too, Chuck. I loved you so much that it consumed me and every time I saw you, I just wanted to tell you. I know what I did to you was really shitty but please tell me that you believe me when I said that I love you." She didn't even realize her slip, that she had just said love instead of loved. But Chuck certainly had.

"I believe you, Blair." He moved his lips to hers and meant to give her a friendly peck on her mouth to signify that they were finally being honest and open with each other. As soon as his lips touched hers though, it turned into a frenzy, a need to kiss her and he crushed his lips down onto hers. She responded instantly, throwing an arm around his neck while he deepened the kiss and slid his tongue inside of her mouth. Her tongue met his and he groaned at the sensation. Chuck's hands slid to her hips as he pushed her harder into the wall. She slammed her pelvis down onto his already raging erection. He broke the kiss and began peppering kisses all down the side of her neck and collarbone. He felt her hand slowly creeping down his chest and he grabbed it before it could head further down south.

"Blair." He grated. "You have to tell me the truth before this goes any further."

Her eyes were hazy with lust but it appeared that he had broken through, when she took his hand and said, "Come with me."

Blair held onto his hand as she led him up the stairs and she stopped him outside one of the bedrooms. "Are you ready, Chuck?"

He nodded because he was incapable of talking at the moment.

She took a deep breath and willed her heart to slow down and return to normal beating.

"It's okay, Blair. Everything will be okay."

Her hand grasped the door handle and she opened the door and led him into the middle of the bedroom. He gasped when he saw a small child lying asleep.

"This is my daughter, Meg." She announced.

His eyes immediately glazed over with anger and the lust he felt for Blair only moments ago disappeared. "So, while you were so desperately in love with me, you were obviously fucking someone else! Weren't you?"

She shot him a look at contempt at his language around the sleeping child. "Look at her face, Chuck."

He complied and moved closer to the bed. The only feature of Blair's that she had was her nose. She had very dark eyes, almost onyx, and even in sleep she had what you would call a catlike smirk on her face. It suddenly hit him and he felt his knees begin to buckle. Blair's daughter looked exactly like him. "She's mine." He whispered.

To Be Continued…

**A/N: The secret is out! I'm sure many of you had already guessed what Blair's secret was and I hope it was worth the wait. Ben and Chuck also have secrets as you will already know if you have read the chapter, so those will be revealed in later chapters. What do you think?**


	5. Chapter 5

The Secrets We Keep- Chapter Five

As soon as the words had escaped his mouth, he knew that they were true. Just looking down into this little girl's face, Chuck knew that she was his daughter just as much as he knew that Blair was a lying bitch. He couldn't stop staring at her face; his daughter was just so beautiful. She had so many of his features that it frightened him that another person looked so much like him. He heard Blair come up behind him and the anger that he had been trying to dismiss came roaring back. He turned his face towards her and she immediately stepped back when she saw the rage that was shimmering on his face. Blair took one last look at him and quickly opened the door and closed it behind her. He followed her out.

She looked up at him with her big, brown, innocent eyes and in that moment, he wanted nothing more than to put his hands around her neck and strangle her. After everything she had done to him, this certainly was the biggest piece of shit that anyone had ever done to another human being.

He walked menacingly towards her and said in a deadly whisper, "That little girl in there is mine, isn't she?"

She nodded her head. "Yes, she is."

"Son of a bitch! How could you do this to me?"

Blair's eyes glazed over with sadness and with a shaky hand she reached over to touch him but he saw what she was planning to do and grabbed her hand. "Don't you fucking touch me! I want nothing to do with you. Ever. Again."

Her face fell but she moved her hand away from his. "You promised me Chuck that you wouldn't ever hate me when I told you the secret. Are you going to go back on that now?"

He gritted his teeth in a rage and the fact that he was so angry scared him almost. He had never felt like this around Blair and it wasn't a good feeling. "How the hell could you keep my daughter away from me? Answer me that and I will tell you if I hate you."

"Let's go into the living room and discuss this. I don't want to wake her up."

He said nothing but followed her down the stairs. Once they were in the living room, she took a seat on the sofa and patted the cushion next to hers.

"Oh hell, no. I'm not going to go near you. I'm tired of the bullshit Blair, tell me the whole truth now or I'm walking out."

She knew that she had to try and appease him. "Okay, I know that you deserve that much at least. Just promise me that you will not fly off the handle until I explain everything to you."

"I will not make any such promises. You don't deserve anything from me, Blair."

She sighed heavily. "I found out I was pregnant the day that your father died and that is ultimately the reason that I left. I know that it was stupid and not wise in the least but I was just so scared and I just had laid my heart on the line and told you that I loved you, and you said nothing back to me."

Against his better judgment, he walked over to her and hissed, "Don't you dare blame any of this on me."

"I'm not Chuck, it's just that you don't know even realize how scared that I was. I was barely eighteen and I was pregnant with your baby. You know that you're a womanizer and I knew that you would never want to be tied down when you were eighteen with a baby. You weren't ready for that and neither was I but I knew I made a mistake the moment I left, although I knew that you would never want to care for a child when your own father had just died. You never had a good relationship with him and that made me think that you would be scared off of the idea of having a child and I panicked."

He shook his head in disgust. "You didn't panic Blair, you ran away like the fucking coward that you are."

"You have every right to be angry Chuck, but I am sorry. I don't know what else to say."

He decided to sit on the arm of the sofa. "I don't fucking believe this!" He exclaimed as he tore his fingers through his hair. "You've kept my daughter from me for over three years, I know that we weren't ready for a child but we would have figured something out."

She smiled sadly and she hated the look of anger and despair on his face. In the moment she wished that she had never told him the truth. At least that way he wouldn't hate her like he obviously did now. "How would we have raised a child Chuck, when we weren't even together? All we did was play games with each other. Childish games."

He raised his head and there were tears shimmering in his eyes. "We could have made it work, Blair. But that is now not a possibility. I never thought that you would do this to me and you claim to love me. What the hell do you think I am? Do you think I'm stupid?"

Blair felt like pulling her hair out but instead she walked over to the huge bay window and looked out while she answered him. "Are we back to this again? How many times do I have to tell you that I did love you? The reason I took off for France was because I loved you and I didn't think we were ready for this. I did it for you, Chuck."

"Bullshit!" He shouted as he came to stand behind her. "How can you say that you loved me when you did this? It's always the same thing with you, Blair. First you're in love with Nate, then you sleep with me in the back of my limo, then you're back with Nathaniel again, and then you decide that you want me again. You just don't know what you want and if you did love me then I feel really sorry for you. What would you do to your worst enemy if you fucked me over like this?"

She turned around to face him and grabbed his hand, he tried to pull it out of her grasp but she wouldn't let him. "I understand your anger and you have every right to be but never tell me that I didn't love you. I loved you like I have never loved anybody in my entire life and that didn't change just because we weren't together. Nate was just a phase for me, that's what I thought I wanted my life to be like. I thought that I wanted the perfect white knight but instead I wanted the dark and brooding tortured soul."

Chuck let out a snort of disbelief and narrowed his eyes at her. "You say that you never loved anybody like you have me, which I believe is a crock of shit by the way. What about Ben? Your fiancée?"

She took a shaky breath and let go of his hand. The intensity of his gaze was burning through her skin and she wanted nothing more than to wrap her arms around him but that was certainly impossible now. "I don't love Ben like I loved you, Chuck. I will never love anybody the way I love you." She admitted quietly.

For a minute the anger faded on his face but then he remembered what she had done and it all came back to him in a second. He decided to change the subject before she could get her claws into him again. "What did you say her name was? Meg?

A dazzling smile came over her face. "Yes, her name is Meg. She is absolutely the most wonderful little girl in the world. She had both of our personalities although I think it's mostly yours." A grin came over his face at this. "And when she was born she looked exactly like you, Chuck. She has your grin and your looks."

The grin on his face slowly faded as he thought of something. "Does she know about me?"

The smile on her face dropped completely off her face because she knew that he was going to be furious now. "I never thought that I would see you again Chuck, so please try not to be mad at this."

"What now?" He growled.

"I told Meg that her father was dead." Blair told him honestly.

If she had thought he looked angry before that was nothing to what his face looked like now. Rage burst from every pore of his body and he looked like he was ready to kill somebody. "You fucking did what?"

She closed her eyes and let a tear slowly drip down her face. She looked almost angelic even while crying and Chuck took note of that but it did nothing to appease his anger. "I'm sorry Chuck. I wish I could take it all back."

He shoved his hands in the pockets of his pants and moved away from her before he gave into the temptation to throttle her. "I never thought that I would say this or that you could make me feel this way Blair but I hate you." His eyes pierced daggers at her.

At his words, she gasped and crumpled onto the floor. Deep, heaving, and unbearable sobs filled the room as she cried while he looked on at her. Those words that he had just said to her hurt more than anything to her and if somebody took a knife right now and stabbed her it wouldn't hurt so much. She buried her head in her arms and continued to cry because she couldn't stand to see the look of hate on his face.

Blair felt him crouch down besides her but she didn't pick her head up. "Blair."

He said her name so quietly and gently that she thought that maybe he had been hasty and would take back his words. She raised her head and looked at him hopefully.

He sat back on his heels and looked at her tear ravaged face. "If there is anything I have realized by you telling me the truth is that you are not fit to raise my daughter." Chuck noticed the shock on her face but continued. "You're a lying bitch and what you've done to me is unforgivable and I will be going to see my lawyer effective immediately and asking for full custody. You will not be raising Meg anymore." He knew that he was so angry and that was the reason for doing this because in his heart he knew that Blair was a good mother but she had screwed him over one too many times. He stood up and went to the door.

She leapt up and ran after him. "Chuck, no! You can't do this to me! Meg is my life." She tried to gulp in air but she found that the fear was gripping her chest and she couldn't breathe.

"That's too fucking bad, Blair. It's time you felt some of the same pain that I have for the last four fucking years. Think about that." He slammed the door in her face and Blair crumpled to the floor as she fainted from the stress of the entire day.

XOXO

As he sat down in his lawyer's office he knew that the words that he had said to Blair had been a lie. He didn't hate her and god knows he should have, but he found that he still couldn't detest her. Every fiber of his being wanted to though. Why couldn't he hate her after everything? Anyone would hate somebody if they did that to them. He had almost taken her in his arms when he had seen how upset she was when he told her that he hated her but thankfully he regained his senses just in time. That would be all he needed. Mr. Pearson came into the office and he wasted no time in telling him all about what had just transpired.

Mr. Pearson listened to everything that Chuck had to say and wrote numerous notes down on a legal pad. "Mr. Bass, you certainly could get full custody of your daughter but it's going to be tricky. The courts are going to be torn in a case like this and that could very well result in your daughter being placed in foster care. The reason you could get her is just for the simple fact that you didn't know that you had a daughter before today and the mother of the child has kept you from her for four years. But then again, I can't be certain that a court will rule in your honor because I really don't think they are going to want to take away Meg from her mother who she has known for her entire life and the child doesn't even know you, Mr. Bass. It could go either way and I would advise you to think very carefully about this before you forge ahead with this plan. I understand that you are probably very angry with Miss Waldorf but don't take this out on your child. She doesn't deserve it."

Chuck let out a frustrated breath and sat there without talking for several moments. He didn't know what to do. He didn't think that Blair deserved for their daughter to be taken away from her but all he knew was that Meg didn't deserve to think that her father was dead and for her never to know him. At last he raised himself from his seat and muttered, "Fuck it. Forget I was here."

He left the lawyer stunned and he rushed out of the office to go and find Blair. They were going to have to figure some things out very quickly or neither one of them was ever going to survive this.

XOXO

Blair was still slumped on the floor when Serena and Nate found her. She was staring blankly ahead at the pristine white walls of her apartment as they tried to get her attention. Finally, Nate picked her up and brought her over to the couch while Serena got a blanket to wrap around her shoulders. "Blair?"

She still didn't answer them. Her body was in complete emotional turmoil and shock.

"Blair!" Serena screamed and that finally alerted her to the fact that someone was there with her. She looked up and found Serena and Nate staring down at her. She didn't remember them coming in and found that strange.

"What's going on, Blair? Are you okay?" Serena asked.

She wet her lips and tried to talk but nothing came out. She tried again and in a very shaky and raspy breath said, "Chuck knows the reason I left."

"Why?" Nate questioned.

The tears flowed down her face as she garbled out, "He knows that I had his baby and now he's going to take her away from me."

A shocked silence filled the room at her announcement and Nate's mouth hang open slightly.

"You had his baby, Blair?" Serena asked in a quiet voice. She couldn't quite grasp the concept of Chuck and Blair being parents.

She shook her head slowly and her eyes were still very much unfocused. "Yes, I did. The day that Bart died I discovered that I was pregnant and I just freaked out. I didn't know what else to do, so I left. I know it was stupid but I couldn't help myself. After I found out, I went to Bart's funeral to tell Chuck. A small part of me thought that he might have been happy and that he would get some closure over Bart's death if he knew that he was going to be a father. That's when he went crazy and I followed him outside when he left and I told him that I loved him, and I was getting ready to tell him the news when he took off in his limo. He didn't love me and that hurt more than anything else, that's when I knew that he would never be ready to be a father to our baby and I knew that I had to leave. And that's what I did."

Nate finally closed his mouth. "Why didn't you at least ever tell us, Blair? We could have helped you?"

"Nobody could have helped me. I just decided that it was safer to take off and never see any of you ever again. I regret that now though."

"Why did you have a boy or girl, Blair?" Serena asked.

A small grin tilted the corner of her mouth, like always when she was asked a question about Meg. "I had a girl. Her name is Meg and she looks exactly like Chuck. She's here."

Serena looked around wildly, like she would just evaporate out of thin air. "What do you mean she's here? Who's been watching her when you're not around?"

"Dorota." Blair explained. "Meg came back with Ben from France and ever since then I've been with her most of the time but if I'm not, Dorota is always here to help."

"What are you going to do now?" Both Serena and Nate asked in unison.

Her face crumpled again but she finally looked like she was coming out of the stupor that she had been in. "I have no idea. I told Chuck and he was furious, and he told me that he was going to get full custody of Meg, but I can't let him do that. She's everything to me." The words just kept flowing out of her mouth as she rung her hands together. "He told me that he hated me and all I can think about is how much I still love him. All I want is for this to have never happened. I wish I never told him the truth. Ben was right when he said that I would only get hurt if I told him the truth."

Nate wrapped an arm around her shaking shoulders. "It had to come out eventually, Blair."

"Chuck wouldn't try to take your own daughter away from you, B." Serena chimed in.

Blair looked at her in amazement. "This is Chuck Bass we're talking about and of course he would do it!" She buried her head in Nate's arms and began to sob again. Nate wrapped his arms around her shaking body and tried to comfort her as best he could.

That was the moment that they all heard a door slam close and Chuck walked furiously into the room. "Fucking perfect! You always go running back to Nate, don't you?"

Blair raised her head and pushed Nate away from her. She took a shaky breath. "It wasn't like that, Chuck. I was just telling Serena and Nate about what happened."

He continued to glare at her but said nothing. Serena stood up and wrapped her arms around him. "Are you okay, Chuck?" She asked gently.

He returned her hug. "Yeah, it's the best fucking day of my life. I like to talk to Blair alone if you don't mind."

Serena nodded and took Nate's hand and they walked to the door. "We'll be in here, if either one of you need anything."

As soon as the door closed, he rounded on her. "Why the fuck do you always go running back to Nathaniel?"

She closed her eyes tiredly. "I didn't, Chuck. They came into the room and found me slumped on the floor and they got worried. Nate was trying to comfort me."

"Sure." He snorted with derision.

"It's the truth." She said wearily. "Are you really going to take her away from me, Chuck?" Her low lip shook as she asked him.

He sighed. "No, I was going to but then I realized that wouldn't solve anything and it would be unfair to her. I want to see her, Blair."

The next thing he knew, Blair had charged at him and wrapped her arms around his waist. "Thank you." She whispered. "You don't know how much that means to me."

His arms hung awkwardly at his sides because he was determined not to hug her back. Eventually she moved away from him and she looked embarrassed at her outburst. "Thank you." She said again.

"You don't deserve my consideration, Blair." He snarled. "And we are going to have to figure some things out but taking Meg away from you is not the right choice. I want to see her and we are going to tell her the truth about me."

She gulped but nodded quickly. "Okay. She deserves to know the truth."

Chuck had expected an argument and was surprised when she didn't resist.

"Should we go up now?" She asked.

"No. I need to get a few things straight with you first. I don't want your fucking fiancée raising my daughter. I never want her to call him daddy. Do you understand me?"

"Chuck…"

"No." He interrupted her. "I'm not done yet. I know that you love him and fuck him but one thing he could never do is be a father to her. That's my job now and I've been cheated out of it for the last few fucking years."

"You don't understand Chuck, Ben is not really the parental type. He never has wanted anything much to do with Meg."

He snarled with anger at hearing this.

Blair continued, "And Ben and I don't fuck each other, as you put it."

"Yeah, right." He said with obvious disbelief.

"We don't." She insisted.

"You expect me to believe that when you're engaged?"

"Ben is…" She hesitated before saying, "gay. Ben is gay. We only have an arrangement."

He looked at her in shock and was just about to say something when Ben walked into the room and said, "That's true. I am gay."

To Be Continued…

**A/N: So what did you think? Another secret revealed. There are more coming just to let you know. And the next chapter will focus on Chuck meeting his daughter. Finally. **


	6. Chapter 6

The Secrets We Keep- Chapter Six

Chuck looked from Ben then to Blair, and back to Ben again. How stupid did they think he was? Blair had kept his daughter from him for the better part of three years and now she expected him to seriously believe that her fiancée was gay. She had nerve. "With all the shit you've put me through today, you're still trying to play games with me? That is the most absurd thing that I've heard in a long time. You're going to have to try a lot harder than that."

Blair glanced nervously between Ben and Chuck but her gaze finally landed on him again. "It's not a lie, Chuck. I've really wanted to tell you since I came back but I couldn't find the courage too. And I don't blame you for not believing me since I've lied about Meg being your daughter but I'm trying. You have to at least give me credit for that."

He looked at her with disapproving eyes. "I'm not going to give you credit for anything when I just found out the truth today, okay? It's a little too soon for that. And to top it all off, you tell me some piece of shit story and tell me to believe it. How the fuck am I supposed to trust you?"

He was still looking at Blair but it was Ben who answered him. "It's not a lie. I've already told you that but you appear a little hard of hearing, don't you?" Chuck sent him a murderous gaze. "Blair has known that I'm gay for most of the time that we've been together and we agreed to get married because it would benefit the both of us. It's only an arrangement."

Chuck closed his eyes tiredly and rubbed them. She came over to him and placed a hand gently on his arm. "Chuck, are you okay?" He looked up into her tear stained face and felt his heart clench and that infuriated him. She still shouldn't have had this power over him but she did. "I'm so sorry." She whispered again. Her eyes never left his and he could feel her gaze all over and that scared the fuck out of him. She had just told him that she had kept his daughter from him for three years and he still felt this attraction to her. Everything was just so screwed up. He shrugged her arm off of his and strode over to Ben, leaving Blair looking hurt.

"I think you're full of shit and I don't believe at all that you're gay but I'll humor you. What is this so called arrangement you have with Blair?"

Ben didn't answer him at first but instead went over to the full length mirror and started fixing his hair and tugging on the collar of his suit jacket. Chuck raised his eyebrow at this but said nothing. Blair gave him a knowing look but he was willing to concede that he believed her yet because he didn't.

Ben turned around. "I really don't like your attitude at all. You treat Blair like a piece of shit and I can't believe the two of you ever got along at one point."

"Ben…" She tried to warn him to say no more but it was too late.

His face convulsed into an angry expression. "Well, I don't like you anymore than you like me. Actually I think you're a pretty slimy fuck but I keep my opinions to myself, don't I? As you can see by the evidence of our daughter, Blair and I more than got along at one point."

Ben continued to glare at him. "I met Blair when she was about six months pregnant and that was just when I started working for Eleanor's fashion company, and Blair was already the designer for the company. As soon as we met, we hit it off entirely well and it was always like a brother and sister relationship. After she delivered Meg, she told me that you were the father and I told her a secret of mine and we agreed to marry each other and keep each other's secrets private."

He was confused once he heard this. There were too many holes. "That all makes sense. But what was your secret and how did that factor into proposing to Blair? There has to be a reason for all of that. And don't give me the I'm gay excuse again."

"I am gay." Ben confirmed again. "But that was never my secret to be ashamed of. I didn't tell Blair that I was gay right away, she actually didn't know until about a year into our relationship."

There was a question that Chuck didn't want to ask but he had to know the answer. "How could she not know? Didn't the two of you ever have sex?"

Blair wet her lips and walked over to the window with her face facing away from Chuck before answering. She couldn't look at him while she said this. "We did have sex. I think twice and I knew something wasn't right but I didn't concentrate on it too much, it never occurred to me that he might be gay. I just thought that I would never experience the same pleasure that I had with you with another man." She slowly turned around and their gazes locked and heat flooded through her body. She had missed being looked at like that. No one had ever paid as much attention to her as he had.

He felt her words deep within him but he pushed all those feelings away. He couldn't let the bitch draw him in again. "And you slept with her even though you knew that you were gay?" He asked Ben.

Ben nodded sadly and he looked ashamed. "I knew that I only was attracted to men but I was trying to convince myself otherwise. I know that it was wrong to do that to Blair but I needed to be sure of myself but after the first time we made love, I knew that I was most definitely gay and after that we never tried again."

Chuck shoved his hands into his pockets angrily. He hated to think of anyone touching Blair but him and it wished that he could change that fact. He had slept with more women over the years that he could count and Blair had betrayed him time and time again, but still somehow she always managed to draw him in. "I'm still not following all the way. I understand that if Blair were to marry you that you would always protect her secret and give her the life that she's always dreamed of. But what do you get out of this arrangement?"

"I don't want to talk about that." Ben answered immediately.

"Tell him." Blair insisted from her corner over by the wall.

He exchanged looks with both of them but still Ben said nothing.

"Then I will." She informed him.

"Blair, I don't want anyone to know that and we've already discussed that."

She let out an exasperated sigh. "He's not going to tell anyone, Ben."

"I said no."

Blair gave him a withering glance that basically told him to drop dead. "You don't tell me what to do. You're my fiancée but that's all."

"Fine." Ben snarled. "But I have to get back to work and I don't want to have to watch this." He leaned down to kiss her but she backed away.

She glanced at Chuck who was still staring at her and had watched her exchange but then her focus returned to Ben. "Are we still going to pretend?"

Ben said not one word but slammed the door shut.

She shook her head and went back to where Chuck stood in the middle of the room. "Sorry about that." She muttered.

"He doesn't seem too happy maybe you shouldn't tell me." He couldn't believe that he had let those words come out of his mouth because he was dying to know why Ben would even consider marrying Blair.

"I thought that you would want to know."

He noticed her surprised expression. "I do but if you don't want to tell me, then it's fine. It will only be another thing that you've kept from me over the years."

She opened her mouth to say something but then thought better of it; he was entitled to his anger. "I want to tell you." Blair walked over to the couch and collapsed on it. He stood staring at her and she decided it was past time to tell him this. "Okay, Ben is actually from England and his family is very influential over there. He's actually a duke or an earl, or whatever you call them over there. I'm not really sure. A couple of years ago he told his parents that he thought he was gay and of course they didn't approve of that, and told him that he would lose his shot at the throne if he didn't marry a nice respectable woman. He denied them at first and they disowned him just like they said they would. He finally came to the realization that he had to marry in order to actual accomplish anything in his life and that's around the time we met."

She paused and Chuck said, "Go on."

"When he told me about all of this, I refused to marry him at first. But then after a while of deliberating, I decided that maybe it would be the best thing for Meg and I." A frown pulled at the corners of his mouth at the mention of their daughter. "Ben told his parents a few weeks ago that I had consented to marry him and they are planning the wedding which is supposed to take place in a couple of months. That's all it is, Chuck. An arrangement. He keeps my secret and I agreed to keep his. He really is a good guy."

He cautiously took a seat next to her and she shot him a grateful smile. "I understand all of that and it doesn't sound as bad as you think it does. But now that I know about Meg, are you still going to marry him? You don't have to now. It serves no purpose anymore."

A sad smile came over her face. "I have too. It's something I agreed to and he has been there for me through anything and it's not like it will be horrible, right? I promised him and I'm not going to go back on that. I've done enough shitty things in my life and I don't want to add something else to the list."

His jaw tightened at her words but he didn't want to say anything because he knew that he would wind up regretting it.

Blair saw his expression and she began to feel the nervousness fluttering around in her stomach again. "I know that I don't love him but he really is a kind and caring person, and it certainly wouldn't be the worst thing to ever happen to me."

A lock of her hair fell across her face and before he thought better of it, he pushed it back and secured behind her ear with a smile. When he saw Blair's shocked expression and realized what he had done, he snatched his hand away instantly. He sighed, he was letting his guard down around her again and he couldn't afford to let that happen.

She noticed that he had closed up again and did the only thing she could think of. "Do you want to see Meg now?"

"Yes." He managed to say beyond the constriction in his throat. He was finally going to be able to see his daughter. It was about fucking time.

"Okay." She said as she stood up, just as she had reached the door, she turned back to him. "I'll go upstairs and get her and you should go find Serena, Nate, and Patrick, they should all meet her. And I will warn you that she is very inquisitive and asks a ton of questions. It's one of the things I love most about her."

Chuck watched as she lightly closed the door behind her but not before he saw the delighted smile that came over her face every time she talked about their daughter. He swallowed hard. He was finally going to be able to meet her and the only thought that was running through his mind was, _would he mess this up too? Would his daughter even like him?_ It scared the ever loving shit out of him.

XOXO

Chuck sat waiting in the living room for Blair to come down with their daughter. His uneasiness seemed to increase by the minute. He glanced over to the other side of the room to see Serena, Nate, and Patrick sitting together and laughing like a real family should. He had missed out on all of these things with Blair and Meg. The anger came back and he tried to push it aside for now, he didn't want to be angry for the first time that he met his daughter.

Serena looked at him with a pitying look. "I still can't really process the fact that you and Blair have a daughter together. It just seems unreal to me. Are you excited at all?"

He nodded. "You know what? I really am. I never thought that I would want kids after all the shit that has happened to me with Bart and never really feeling loved but I want to do the exact opposite with Meg, I want to show her that I can be a good father and not behave like Bart did with me."

"That's really good, Chuck." Nate chimed in. "I was absolutely terrified the first time that Serena told me she was pregnant and I thought that it would turn into this terrible mistake but it's the best thing that's ever happened to me." He placed his hand on Serena's stomach and grinned. "I can't wait to meet our new addition." He kissed her soundly on the lips and she laughed.

Chuck smiled at their closeness. They had finally gotten it right after all that time but sadly he and Blair would just never be able to make it work. Now more than ever. He saw that Patrick was staring at him and he walked over and ruffled his hair. "Hey, little man. How's it going?"

"Play." Patrick said in his garbled baby's voice.

He laughed. "I will definitely play with you later. I think you might have a new playmate that you could have some fun with."

He was sitting on the floor with Patrick in his lap when he saw Blair descending the stairs with his daughter. His heart started beating faster than ever and he had trouble swallowing. Meg's eyes traveled from one face to the next before burying her head in Blair's side. He wanted to stand up and go over to them but he found that he had lost the ability to move.

He heard Serena say in a stage whisper, "Oh my God. She looks exactly like Chuck." Except with Serena it was never a whisper. But he had to agree with her, she looked exactly like him. Even down to the color of her hair and she definitely had his facial features. He loved her already.

Blair gave him a shaky smile and she grabbed Meg's hand tighter in hers. "It's alright, sweetheart. I just want to introduce you to some people than you will be getting to know."

Meg nodded but didn't leave Blair's side. "You remember how we talked about your Aunt Serena?" She nodded again. "This is her and that's her husband Nate, and their son Patrick. They've always been really good friends of mine and now that we're going to be living in New York, you will be getting to know them also."

"Who's that?" She whispered pointing at Chuck. At her words, his heart clenched even more and he wanted nothing more than to haul her against his chest but he knew that wouldn't be allowed. He just hoped that Blair wouldn't lie again and tell their daughter that he was no more than a friend.

Blair led them over to the floor and sat down right next to him. His daughter was sitting right next to him and he found himself muttering, "Hello." It was such an idiotic thing to say to his daughter for the first time but he found that was all he could think of.

Meg looked at him through her wide, innocent eyes and a grin tipped the corners of her mouth. "Hi."

He couldn't help the smile that came over his face. That grin was exactly like his was.

Blair cleared her throat and Meg looked back at her mother. "This is a little difficult to explain Meg and I'm sorry for that, so if you have any questions, do not hesitate to ask me." She waved her hand at him. "This is Chuck Bass."

He felt anger roll through him with a vicious tug at what she had said. She wasn't planning on telling their daughter the truth. She had duped him again. When was he going to learn?

"You know that we have discussed your father many times and I might not have been entirely truthfully about him."

"What?" Meg asked.

She locked eyes with Chuck and never removing them from his face, she blurted out, "Chuck is your father."

He felt his mouth gape open at her statement but he couldn't help himself. He had never expected her to actually tell Meg. He kept his gaze on her face and she nodded towards Meg who appeared to be in some sort of stupor. He found himself wanting to reach out for Blair and but he refrained himself just in time.

"He's my father?" Meg whispered in her little girl's voice. Her eyes moved from him then back to Blair again.

"Yes, Chuck is your father." Blair repeated and she rubbed her head which was beginning to pound.

"Is that true?" Meg asked him.

"Yes, it is. I know that we know nothing about each other right now but in time we are going to be close like a father and daughter should be. I will make sure of it." His gaze wandered back to Blair's to see if she would object, but she said nothing.

Meg looked very upset at hearing this news. She scrunched her face up and asked, "Why did I just find this out now? How come you didn't want me before?"

His heart broke. She thought that he didn't want her and nothing could ever hurt more than that. Not even when Blair left that night four years ago. He absolutely no idea what to say to her. "I, I mean…"

Blair interrupted him. "Meg, look at me." When she had complied, Blair put an arm around their daughter. "I know that you really don't understand what has happened and I don't expect you too since you're three years old. But you can never blame Chuck for not being there for you since you were born. The blame is all mine. I was the one who was wrong."

He couldn't believe his ears. He had never expected Blair to take the blame for everything that happened between them and to stick up for him in front of Meg. That took guts and he felt his anger evaporate a little bit. But only a little. And he had never expected her to take the brunt of what had gone wrong between them; after all it was both of their faults.

Nate and Serena sat silently as they watched the exchange happen between the three of them.

"How?" Meg asked.

Blair wet her lips. "I can't go into all the details now sweetie but one day when you're older, I will explain everything to you. I promise you that." Her hand found Chuck's thigh and she squeezed it in a show of comfort, he looked at her hand that was gripping his thigh but did nothing to remove it. "I will just say that I was very young and stupid, and I did something that I've regretted for a long time now. If I could go back and do it all over, I would do everything differently." Her eyes connected to his again, and they shared a long look of understanding. "But I want you to know that nothing is your father's fault, it was all mine. I want you to get to know him and become close with Chuck. There is nothing like the relationship that a father can have with his daughter."

Meg glanced at him again and decided that he wasn't as scary as he looked because she snuggled closer to his side. He wrapped an arm lightly around her. "It's going to be okay." He heard himself say and he knew that was the truth.

Meg frowned a little bit and looked between her mother and father. "Why aren't you together? Didn't you love him, mommy?"

Blair glanced at him but he was looking steadily at the ground to avoid looking in her face. He was wondering what she was going to say.

She cleared her throat. "Sometimes things just don't work out between people Meg but that doesn't mean that they didn't love each other. And to answer your question, I did love Chuck. Very much." She added as an afterthought.

Chuck pushed back a wave of Meg's hair and when she asked the next question, his heart literally stopped. "Do you still love him?"

Immediately their gazes locked and heat flooded the room. You would of had to been dead not to have felt it and he certainly was not dead given the tightening in his groin.

Blair thought about lying but she had lied so much over the past years that she found she didn't want to do it anymore. When she opened her mouth the truth came out. "I do still love your father. And not like a friend, like a woman should love a man."

He swallowed at hearing her say that. He couldn't take his gaze off of hers and he knew without a doubt that she was telling the truth. He could see it in her eyes. He couldn't say anything though. He timidly reached out and placed one of his big hands gently on her shoulder; she looked surprised but gave him a watery smile.

"Are we going to be a family then? A real family?" The both looked at their daughter in surprise when she asked this.

"It's just a little complicated." Blair began. "It's more of a conversation for adults but Chuck and I will always be there for you no matter what. Okay?"

Meg looked liked she was about to argue but Blair stalled her with a hand in the air. "Come on. We'll talk more about this later. Don't you want to get to know your father a little bit better?" A teasing grin came over her face. "You don't want to hurt his feelings, do you?"

Meg shook her head rapidly and everyone laughed. Blair nodded towards him and he stood up and took his daughter's hand in his and led her up the stairs. No one followed them. He was about to have some alone one on one time with her. Just her.

XOXO

For the rest of the day, he spent time getting to know his daughter. He asked her what her favorite things were and he did some of them with her. After a while, Patrick came into the bedroom with them and they all played together for a while. He was surprised but Patrick really seemed to like Meg. That didn't happen too often with him; usually he was jealous of anyone that was getting attention over him.

He had the best day of his life though. He would have never thought all those years ago that he would actually like to be a father but that was slowly becoming true. Meg seemed to take an instant liking to him also which made everything much easier.

He had just bathed her, put her to bed, and read her a bedtime story and he finally got her to go to sleep when he promised that he would see her again tomorrow. He would not miss another moment of her life. He closed the door softly when he saw her eyes close and she went into a dreamless sleep.

He was heading downstairs again when he ran into Blair outside of her bedroom.

"Can I talk to you for a minute, Blair?"

"Sure."

She led them back to the living room. "Is something wrong? Did you put Meg to bed? Did everything go alright?"

He laughed. "You sound like our daughter now. She's always asking questions."

A delighted smile came over her face when she heard him refer to Meg as their daughter. "I told you that. She is very inquisitive. Did everything go alright?"

He walked around the room and stopped when he was in front of her. "Yeah, it really did. Thank you for not interrupting us today and letting us spend the whole day together. She really seems to like me."

"I'm sure that she does, Chuck. She's just a little girl, all you have to do is shower her with love and attention and she will love you back. Your relationship will grow over time and everything will come together."

He nodded. "I actually wanted to talk to you about before. You didn't have to take all the blame before with Meg for everything that has gone wrong in our relationship. Yes, you kept her from me all of these years but you weren't the only one to do something wrong. It was both of our faults."

She shrugged her shoulders. "I know that we have both done some really horrible things to hurt each other when we were teenagers and it was all a game to us almost. I'm not like that anymore, Chuck. I've changed, everything is different now and I _was_ wrong. I've always know that and I didn't want Meg to think that you didn't love her when you didn't even know that she existed before yesterday. That wouldn't have been fair. That is something the old Blair Waldorf would do but not anymore." She grabbed his hand and traced circles in the palm of his hand. His breath hitched but he did not pull away. "I'm sorry for everything and it really was my entire fault."

He felt himself falling for her once again and he couldn't let that happen. All he wanted to do was crush her to him and take away all of the pain that they had caused each other. "I'm not like I used to be either. I still have that signature Chuck Bass in me still but some things are different."

"I know, Serena told me that the first night that I was back."

"And what about what you said before? About you…" He couldn't get the rest of the sentence out.

"About loving you?" She asked.

"Yes." He waited with bated breath for her answer.

She dropped his hand and sighed. "That was all true. I still do love you. It's never going to go away Chuck, I've tried but it just doesn't work. I'm going to love you for the rest of my life."

"Blair…" He paused; he didn't even know what he was supposed to say.

She waved him off and stood in a hurry. "I know that you don't love me. I'm not that naïve anymore but it doesn't change my feelings. I really am sorry for everything." Her eyes started to tear up and he felt like the biggest ass in the world. "I've got to go." She said in a hurry.

Blair turned back to him one last time and put her hands on his face. "I know that you hate me and I can't say that I blame you. I will always love you though, Chuck. I can't help myself." With that she made her way to the door but not before giving him a watery smile over her shoulder. And then she was gone.

He tore at his hair in aggravation. He hadn't even told her that he didn't hate her but he couldn't. He was determined not to let Blair Waldorf get to him again but it had already happened. He was afraid that he had fallen in love with her once again.

XOXO

Serena walked into the room and noticed that Chuck was sitting on the couch with his head buried in his arms. She gently touched his arm but he did not look up. "You have to tell her the truth, Chuck. Tell her what you've been hiding."

To Be Continued…

**A/N: Here it is. My last update before I'm off to LA. I still do have that drabble challenge to complete though. Make my day and leave me a review. There is nothing better. 7**


	7. Chapter 7

The Secrets We Keep- Chapter Seven

He looked up into the face of his concerned sister and felt guilty for causing her to worry about him. But on the other hand, he wished sometimes that she would mind her own business. It would only make everything easier.

Serena repeated herself. "You have to tell her the truth."

He found his eyes drifting back up to her face. She had really changed so much from their high school days just as he had. They were brother and sister in every sense of the word and he was thankful for that. After Blair had left, he didn't know what he would have done without Serena's support.

"Blair can never find out the truth about what happened that night," his tone harsher than he had intended. He glanced back into her hurt fact and he whispered a curse. "I'm sorry. I'm just saying that I will never tell her the truth."

Serena's face softened and she placed a hand over his own. "Chuck, you have too. Ever since Blair told you about Meg, I know that this has been eating away inside at you. You have a secret just like she did and while it may not be as deadly as hers was, it's still a secret. You need to leave it out in the open and maybe you can finally begin to forgive each other."

"Wait," he held up one of his hands in the air. "Why would Blair have to forgive me? She's the one that ran away like a coward and has hid my daughter from me for the last three years."

She nodded her head to signify that she understood. "You haven't done anything like she has, but you have to admit that you have been verbally abusive to her. That was always your thing, Chuck. As soon as you get hurt, you close yourself off and spew out hurtful things just so the other person involved can feel as hurt as you are. The only way that you and Blair will ever come to have some sort of relationship for Meg's sake is if the both of you are finally honest with each other. That's long overdue."

He knew that Serena was right, but he didn't like to admit that. If there was one thing that was still the same about him since High School, it was the fact that he would never admit that he was wrong under any circumstances.

"I thought you were closer to forgiving Blair for keeping Meg a secret for all of these years." Serena cut into his thoughts.

"In a way I am, but forgiveness is something that takes time. I understand why she did it, but the way that she went about is wrong. I certainly don't hate her and I never could, but I'm still a long way from forgiving her entirely. And that day might never come, I just don't know."

Serena watched as he pulled back his hair in frustration. "I know all of that Chuck, and I don't blame you for not forgiving her. I know that I'm Blair's best friend and she would hate it if she could hear me saying this, but I don't know if I ever could forgive something like that. I can't even fathom keeping from Nate a secret of that magnitude."

"There's a reason for that, sis. You love Nathaniel much more than Blair ever loved me. And don't deny that because it's the truth."

A small grin crept over her face at her brother's stupidity. "I do love Nate and I could never do that to him, but Blair did and still does love you. She just loves you in a different way. People will do anything in their power to keep secrets from the person they love and while I don't agree with it, Blair thought she was doing you a favor."

He flicked a piece of imaginary dust from the crease of his linen pants. He would do anything to avoid this conversation. His gaze rested on anything that didn't remind him of Blair, but he found that everything did. He just would never be able to get her out of his mind, no matter how hard he tried, or even the fact that he didn't want to think about her. "Can we change the subject? I'm just so tired of talking about all of this."

"Sure," she said excitedly. "I think it would be best if we finished the discussion that we started earlier. Let me refresh your memory. About how you need to tell Blair the truth about what happened that night that she left?"

"I can't tell her that," he whispered in a gravelly voice. "If I tell her the truth it would only make her feel horrible. That's something that I've been hiding a long time and I'm going to continue to do so. You and Nate are the only ones who know about what happened that night, and you said that you would never tell anyone." A cold look crossed his face. "Are you going to go back on your word?"

A withering glare passed on her face. "Of course not, you know me better than that. I'm your sister and I've told you more than once that I will never tell anybody. That is your responsibility. I just think that it is past time that you let her know what happened. It's the only way that the two of you are going to be able to move on."

"What Blair doesn't know won't hurt her."

"Don't be so naïve, Chuck," she shook her head in dismay. "You know as well as I do that secrets always have a way of revealing themselves when we don't want them too or at the worst opportune moment." She grasped his arm. "Tell her before it is too late."

"Too late for what?" he growled. "You still think that Blair and I have some sort of life together, don't you?"

"It's possible." Serena said carefully.

"No, it is not." He enunciated every word so that the meaning was clear. "Blair and I have absolutely no future together. She's engaged for starters, did you forget that little fact?"

"No, I haven't. But you know as well as I do that Blair doesn't love Ben, it's merely going to be a marriage of convenience."

He said nothing, only let out a long huff of annoyance.

"Chuck," Serena said slowly, to judge his reaction. When he tilted his head, she felt it safe enough to go on. "Like I've been saying, tell her and maybe she'll forget about her marriage. There is still some way that the two of you can make this work."

"There is no way!" As soon as the words escaped his mouth, he was ashamed. He didn't mean to keep yelling at Serena, but she kept pushing his buttons. "Blair and I were over before we even began and that's the end of it. You've got to get it through your mind that we're never going to be a couple again. It's over." He picked himself up from the couch and wrenched the door opened before giving her one hard stare. The door slammed loudly behind him.

Serena continued to stare at the door for quite a while. She knew that Chuck was lying about everything, he was still in love with Blair, and while he might deny it, he couldn't hide it on his face. Whenever he talked about Blair, the emotions just came pouring out. Something that Blair was very good at doing. And if he would admit the truth to himself, they would be so much better off. Because in all reality, Blair and Chuck would never be over. They would always find their way back together. Now she just had to convince the two of them.

XOXO

He was just about to knock on the bedroom door to Meg's room when he noticed that it was opened a crack, he gently pushed with his hand until the door opened silently. Chuck was greeted by the sight of not only Meg asleep, but also Blair. She was sitting in a rocking chair fast asleep and Meg was on top of her, curled up into a comfortable position. He looked at the way that Blair had a hand lightly resting on Meg's back, and he felt a part of his heart clench when he looked at them. This is what it should have been like all those years ago. He knew in the part of his mind that was reasonable that they probably wouldn't have winded up like a happy family, but he couldn't help wishing that would have happened, but no instead, Blair had run away and he was still bitter about it.

He tried to tread silently on the carpet, but one of his feet slipped and he made a creaking noise. Blair's eyes opened immediately. She gave him a flushed and sleepy eyed smile, something that still turned his body on fire even through all the heartbreak they had caused each other. He had come to realize over the last few days that he would never be able to hate her, but most importantly that he was always going to want her. If he couldn't bring himself to despise her when she had kept his daughter from him for all those years, then what would? The answer came easily. Nothing.

Blair continued to smile at him and that action sent a stitch of pleasure straight to his groin. She yawned and reached up with a hand to cover her mouth. "Sorry," she muttered. "What are you doing here, Chuck?"

He watched as she continued to rock the chair back and forth while rubbing Meg's back in a soothing gesture. Most women in the morning looked like hell, not Blair Waldorf. She almost looked perfect. Her hair was frayed in the most adorable manner, there was just the right amount of pink in her cheeks, and her guard was down this early in the morning.

"I'm here to see Meg of course," he finally found his voice and was relieved to find that he sounded calm even though he didn't feel like that on the inside. Blair always turned him into a jumble of nerves and that had certainly never changed. "I wanted to take her to see Central Park and some other famous New York sites. I know that she's seen a lot of France, but New York is really going to be her home now and it makes sense for her to get used to it."

She nodded while brushing a piece of stray hair out of her eyes. "Okay, that sounds great. She'll have fun doing that. Meg always gets excited when she's sees something that is new and she'll be asking you a ton of questions," she chuckled. "You don't mind taking her?"

He looked at her incredulously. "She's my daughter Blair, of course I don't mind. Ever since I found out about her, I've wanted to make up for lost time." He gave her a pointed look."

"I'm sorry." She said again and Chuck knew that she was. The sincerity was plain on her face, and in way he had already forgiven her, but he would never let her know that. He couldn't get to close to her again or she would destroy him. That could never happen.

He nodded once to show that he had heard her. Their conversation had seemed to awaken Meg who was staring doe-eyed at Chuck. "You came back." She whispered.

He knelt by the chair. "Yes, I told you that I would. Your father wants to make up for all the lost time that he missed with you."

"Okay." Meg mumbled with a small smile before burying her face in the crook of Blair's arm.

Blair smiled apologetically and mouthed the words, "She likes you, Chuck."

A grin came over his face at that and he patted her Blair's knee lightly. But as soon as his hand touched her body, it became more of a caress. Slow and steady strokes and the warmth of her skin heated his hand and he found that he never wanted to stop. Blair's shocked expression made it down to her knee and his hand and she found her own hand reaching over to lie on top of his. She gently intertwined their hands together and stroked the palm of his hand. His hands began to burn with that familiar black lust that was transmitted in his eyes, and even though she hadn't seen it in so long she still remember what it looked like. She could never forget that.

She continued to look into his eyes, and his hand inched further up her thigh even though their daughter was right, although she still had her head buried within the confines of Blair's arm. Just as he reached the hem of her chemise, the spell was broken.

Meg turned her face towards him and he snatched his hand away hurriedly. That had been way too close. "What are we going to do today?" Meg asked.

He opened his mouth to speak, but he found that he couldn't just yet. The lust was threatening to overwhelm him, and he didn't trust his voice. When he finally thought that had it under control he said, "I wanted to show some things that New York is famous for. I'm sure you'll enjoy it."

"Like what?" she questioned.

He laughed as he looked into the face that looked so much like his. "You'll just have to come along and see, I wouldn't want to ruin the surprise"

Her face turned excited and she nodded exuberantly.

They exchanged a look and it was the first time that he had bonded with his daughter. It was certainly one for the memories. He had never considered himself an emotional person, but Meg made him that way. And while that might have freaked him out at one point, it didn't any longer.

"Is mommy going to come?"

He exchanged a look with Blair and noticed that her cheeks were flushed even more than before. He opened his mouth to say no, but something entirely different came out. "If she wants too."

"Will you, mommy?"

Blair looked between the both of them and finally a bright smile broke over her face. "Absolutely. I wouldn't past up an opportunity like this."

Chuck found that he wasn't even annoyed that Blair was going to be tagging along on an outing that was meant only to be for him and Meg. He was excited; it would be their first time out together as a family, except they weren't a family. He always had to remind himself of that. Blair was engaged. He managed to forget that much too often and he shut down his emotions once again.

His voice turned cold. "Why don't you get dressed Blair, and Dorota can get Meg changed. I'll meet you downstairs."

A puzzled look crossed her face, but all she said was, "That's fine. I'll be down in a little bit."

He nodded and threw a quick grin at Meg. He basically ran out the door like the devil was chasing him, but in a way that was exactly what was happening. Blair was getting to him again and this time he could see no way to escape it, but he would make sure that he wasn't going to make the same mistakes over again this time.

XOXO

Chuck had decided to take Blair and Meg first to Central Park. He had always loved it there, and he hoped that she would feel the same way. It was especially beautiful in the fall and he would make sure that they enjoyed it. He looked over at Blair as she smiled down at Meg who was looking at everything in awe. France might have some famous sights, but nothing compared to the splendor and mystique that was New York. It was something that could not be copied, or be compared in any way.

The day past quickly for Chuck as he escorted Blair and Meg all over the city. Many times during the day, he had to remind himself that they were not actually a family, that it was fake because it really was. They could never go back to what they had at one point and he didn't want too. Back in their teenage days all they did was play game after game with each other, and he had grown up a lot since then. He knew that Blair had also.

He took them to Central Park, they had lunch on Tavern on the Green, saw the Statue of Liberty, and went to the Empire State Building.

Then some amazing things happened on the top of the Empire State Building. Meg had been enthralled by how high up they were and he had pointed out the telescopes to her and lifted her high over his head. She had squealed like the little girl that she was and then she had wrapped her arms around his neck, and a feeling of comfort like he had never felt before washed over him. He was a father in every sense of the word and while at one time he didn't think he would ever want to do this, now he never wanted to go back to the way things were before.

Blair looked on at them with radiant joy on her face and he couldn't help but smile back at her. It was just that kind of day.

As they were walking back to the elevator to go down to the ground floor, Meg stopped all of a sudden and turned to him. She held out her hand to him.

"What's the matter?" He questioned. Blair looked at him with a knowing expression on her face.

"Nothing," Meg said softly. "Will you take my hand?"

As he continued to look into the face that did look so much like his, he moved silently and without words clutched her hand in his grasp. Words were not always necessary and at a time like this, he didn't think that he trusted his voice. His heart exploded as he felt the small hand in his own and nothing else mattered but her. Chuck Bass had been turned into a pile of goo by his daughter. No one would ever believe it unless they saw it. And he didn't care if anyone did.

XOXO

They arrived back at Blair's penthouse a half hour later and Meg had fallen asleep in his arms on the way back. Blair looked tenderly upon the two and felt her own heart clutch.

Without another word, he took her upstairs and into her bedroom to get ready for bed. Once she was in her pajamas, he placed her softly upon her princess style bed. Her eyes fluttered open and she whispered, "Will you read me a story?"

"Sure."

Chuck read to her for the next half hour and she kept drifting in and out, but when he finally put the book down and was about to leave, she latched onto him. "When am I going to see you again?" Her bottom lip was in between her teeth.

She broke his heart, she really did. He smoothed back a tendril of her hair as he said, "Tomorrow. I'm not going to leave you now that I've found you."

She smiled slightly and finally closed her eyes although she didn't let go of his hand. He kissed her gently on the forehead and unclasped their hands. He took one more look at her before he shut the door and the light to the room leaving a small nightlight on.

XOXO

As he made his way down the hallway, he noticed a light wafting out from Blair's bedroom. She seemed to notice him because she beckoned to him. "Can you come here?"

He swallowed hard as he walked into her room and noticed the lit candles, the darkness of the room, and the mainly romantic setting. She was sitting at the vanity with her hair down, the curls loose and unkempt. Her face was washed of all makeup and she had on a pair of silk pajamas that almost made him weak in the knees. There was nothing sexy about them in the least and they left everything to the imagination, but maybe that was the problem. His imagination was clearly running away with him right now.

He stopped walking when he was a couple of feet away from her, he reminded himself that he needed to put some space between them. He cocked his head to show that he was listening.

She went over to the armoire and grabbed a robe before throwing it over herself. "Didn't I tell you that she would warm up to you? She already loves you, Chuck. Didn't today prove that?"

He nodded once and shoved his hands into his pockets. "Yeah, it did. And I love her too, Blair."

She lightly touched his shoulder. "I know that you do," Blair snatched her hand back when she felt the heat from him creeping into her own skin and beginning to feel flushed. "I am sorry about everything."

He didn't say anything to that because he didn't feel like he could. What else was there left to say? "Where's Ben?"

Blair pulled a brush through her long, luxurious locks before turning back to face him. "He had to go back to France with my mother for some final business. He'll be back in a couple of days."

"Why didn't you go with him?"

"Are we really going to do this, Chuck?"

He looked into her face and he knew that she knew what he was doing. It was a game they had always played. He shrugged his shoulders. "Do what?" But at her stern looked, he dropped the façade. "Are you still going to marry him, Blair?"

Her eyes met his and he was astonished at the naked honesty that he saw there. "I have too." She whispered.

"You don't."

"Chuck," she began with a pained look. "You know as well as anybody that I have to do this. He's been there through everything with me and I can never repay him for that, but I can marry him and I'm going to."

"He was only there for you because you never let me! I would have been if I knew what the hell was going on!"

As soon as the words had escaped his lips and he saw Blair's shocked expression, he was ashamed of his outburst. She wasn't supposed to still affect him in this way. He just couldn't get her out of his fucking head. He asked the only question that he could think of because he wanted to know the answer even though he had asked her countless times before. "Is is true that you still love me, Blair? I want the truth this time."

Her eyes suddenly turned cold as ice and she glared at him. She slowly stood up, tightened the belt on her robe, and stopped just short of him. "How many times are you going to ask me the same damn question?"

The tension between them was palpable. "Until I get an answer that I'm satisfied with." He sneered.

Blair looked into his face and saw the lock of hair that swept over his eyebrow, but all she felt right now was anger at his obvious obtuseness. "Listen once more and listen well because I'm not going to say any of this again. You know what my feelings for you are, you always have. But I'm not doing this anymore. I'm not going to lay out all my feelings on the line and have nothing in return. You expect me to keep saying that I love you, but then I have no idea how you feel about me. I really don't, you give off no emotions to that. You have everything buried deep inside of you with no inclination of ever telling me anything. That's it, Chuck. I'm done with this shit." She thrust her finger into his chest with each of her statements.

He wrapped his fist lightly around her finger, but she pulled away instantly. "I'm not done yet." She looked deeply in his eyes and was surprised to see the gentleness there, but that did not deter her. "Since I've come back you've told me that you used to love me, that you hate me, and that you want me. I don't know how to read you anymore, but this is getting ridiculous. For the last time, which one is it?"

He opened his mouth to say something, but thought better of it and clicked it shut again.

"See? This is exactly what I'm talking about. Get the hell out of my room, Chuck." Blair sat back down in her vanity chair and slipped the robe off of her shoulders, thinking that he would leave and that would be the end of it.

As soon as he saw her creamy shoulders, he knew that he was gone for. "Blair," he said in a voice barely restricted by lust, want, love, and passion. He gently touched her and she looked back at him. "I still want you."

She continued to look at him. "You still want me?" she asked in disbelief. "After I kept our daughter from you for the last three years and everything else that I have done, but you still want me? How is that possible?"

He decided to be honest with her, and continued to rub her shoulders. Blair settled back into his touch. "I'm always going to want you, Blair," he said as he looked into her eyes. "I should hate you for keeping Meg from me, but it's not possible. And if I can't hate you for that, then I'll never be able too."

"Do you want to hate me, Chuck?"

"Sometimes." He admitted.

"Why?"

His hands moved slowly down her body until they cupped her hips. "Because I don't want to be this attracted to you. Why can't I get over you?" Chuck whispered the question to himself, but she heard him anyways.

She licked her lips while she kept her eyes trained on his.

He grabbed her hips even tighter in his hands and brought her flush up against his chest. Blair stumbled for a moment, but clutched onto his chest for support. "Stop," he muttered as she continued to look at him seductively.

"Stop what?" She purred.

He shut his eyes tightly in defeat. Maybe if he didn't look at her, she would get the hint and let go of him, but he knew that wasn't going to happen. He opened his eyes warily. "You're making it harder to resist you. Just stop."

"I can't. Just stop resisting me once and for all."

At her words he gave up. His mouth slammed down on hers. Her mouth opened in surprise and he slipped his tongue inside. Blair wound her arms around his neck and his hands traveled down to her ass before he slammed her lightly against the wall. She hitched a leg over his waist as he ground his erection into her, she slammed her pelvis into him.

Everything turned hotter and faster. Especially the kiss. It had started out as a gently melding of the mouths, but quickly turned wild and unrestrained with passion. He bit her bottom lip gently and she moaned, granting him even more access into her mouth if that was possible.

He groaned as he continued to eat away at her mouth. His tongue lightly lapped at hers while she tried to suck him all the way back to her throat. He had never gotten so hard from just a kiss. But with Blair everything was different, he didn't have to try as hard, everything just fell into place, and it just felt right.

Blair's hands tore at his shirt and his hand traveled down to her breast. He rolled the nipple in his palm until it was as hard as a rock. He finally broke the kiss and while looking her in the eye lowered his mouth to the front of her pajamas and sucked her nipple into his mouth through the silk.

"Chuck." Her voice was a mixture of pleasure, passion, and agony because she wanted more.

It was the sexiest sound that he had ever heard.

As she said his name, another person saying his name popped into his mind. "Tell her the truth, Chuck." _Damn it. Why did he have to think of Serena and the secret that he had been keeping from Blair at a time like this? Whenever he got close to finally feeling fulfilled, something had to ruin it. He tried to push the thought of his sister out of his mind, but found he couldn't because he knew that he needed to tell her the truth before this went any further._

He pushed Blair away from him and stepped back a few steps.

"What's the matter?" Blair asked, as her robe slipped off her shoulder and more of her delectable skin was exposed. He wanted more than anything to finish what they had started, but he knew that she finally needed to know the truth first.

"We need to talk." His voice was raspy and husky from his still evident arousal.

"Now?" she asked in shock. "Can't we talk after?" She nodded her head towards her bed, wishing desperately that for once they could be together without any restrictions.

He moved his hands to her robe and tightened the belt around her. He couldn't chance not getting this out or he knew that he would never tell her, and she needed to know once and for all. "It can't wait, Blair. It's something that I have been keeping from you for a while, but you deserve to know."

Her expression turned squinty. "Okay." She said carefully.

She was going to hate herself after he told her this, he knew that she would.

"Come on, Chuck." She said after a time.

He focused his attention back on her. "Alright."

"Are you okay?" Blair asked with a concerned expression.

He nodded. "I am now. This has to do with the night that you left. I did something stupid that night after I found out that you took off."

"What did you do?"

Chuck took a deep breath and said, "I tried to kill myself."

To Be Continued…

**A/N: This isn't going to turn into a depressing story or anything, it's just the way that I planned it out. I've had Chuck's secret planned out for some time, but due to recent events it was very difficult to write. A few of you know why. But I did it and maybe it was also a little healing. Also a big thank you to Ellyce who dedicated a story to me the other day. You're amazing and you know that I love you! Thoughts on the chapter?**


	8. Chapter 8

_A/N: Okay, this might be the last thing that I ever write. There is still going to be a C/N slash fic, but I do hope to continue this story is the future. Hope being the key word. If this is indeed my last story, I want to thank a couple of friends who mean a lot to me. First off to Laura for encouraging me like no one else does. She has convinced me time and time again that my writing does not suck and she's always willing to talk me through things when someone else isn't. I appreciate it and I do the same for you. To my first ever reviewer who turned out to be…Alicia. That doesn't surprise me in the least now. They are not enough words to describe you, so I'm just going to leave it at that, friend. Finally to my biggest supporter in writing who is Tamara. She is and continues to be my biggest cheerleader. I think she's read everything that I've ever written and she doesn't read Gossip Girl fanfiction except for mine. You always have a way of making me feel better about something. Thanks. ___

"**I tried to kill myself."**

As soon as the words died from his lips, Blair's head snapped up and her gaze met his. So many emotions flittered across her face. Shock, remorse, disbelief, and finally love. Her expression turned vacuous and she tried to form words, but found that she couldn't actually open her mouth to say them. His gaze remained on hers, and she knew that she had to say something. What was he talking about though? She must have heard him wrong because there is no way that what he just said could be possible in anyway. This was Chuck after all and he didn't let things affect him, like the regular person. At least she didn't think he did.

"Chuck," her voice cracked and she tried again. "What are you talking about?"

He continued to look at her and his eyes never left her face. The pain was evident on every one of his features. "I didn't want to do this Blair because I knew how much it would hurt you." She put a hand around her back and felt for the vanity chair before collapsing in it. She knew that this was going to be a discussion that she would never forget. "And it didn't matter how much you've hurt me over the years because I didn't want to do the same thing to you," he continued. "I wanted to prove how much better I was then you and how you fucked everything up royally." He noted with a bitter touch.

She was about to speak when he shook his head, so she remained silent. "I never wanted you to find this out Blair because it makes me appear weak and I don't do weak. I thought that I would give you the opportunity of knowing that you never gave me. I know that if we're ever going to be able to move past anything, then you need to know about this."

Her heart clenched because in a way she knew what he was talking about. Although she chose not to believe it, until he said those exact words again. Maybe she had been mistaken. "I still don't understand. You need to be more specific." She spoke softly and her throat felt dry, like she would never be able to get the same exact words out again.

Chuck moved steadily until he was kneeling beside her. He made a move to grab one of her hands, but ultimately thought better of it because his hand dropped back to his side. He didn't look at her. "I meant what I said before. The night that Bart died and that you took off, I tried to kill myself."

He had said it. The tears that she had been holding back for so long began to stream down her face. She couldn't catch her breath, silent sobs racked her body as he still didn't look at her, and her heart shattered into a million pieces. He was still broken. Chuck had always been broken, but he had never repaired himself. He was still that lost, lonely boy that he had been when they were teenagers. He may have changed, but he still held onto a part of himself.

She tucked her feet underneath her and went into a fetal position. She hugged herself tightly while she thought about all the pain he had been keeping inside of him for these past few years and she felt even worse about keeping Meg from him.

"Why?" she managed to gasp, like the thought was inconceivable.

He stood swiftly and took a couple of steps away from her while he crammed his hands into the pockets of his pants. Blair recognized what he was doing. He was shutting himself down again. From her, himself, and any other person that dared to get to close to him. "I did it because I felt like I had nothing else to live for." He said it simply, as if it wasn't that big of a deal, but she knew differently.

"I knew how upset you were when your father died Chuck, but I never knew that you would go as far as trying to kill yourself. You have so much life in you. I can't believe you would do something like that." She tried to will herself to be calm and let him explain what had happened, but her voice shook with desperation anyways. "You have to tell me what drove you to this."

Chuck's head popped up and he took in her tear stained face and the way her body was shaking. "You did," he watched as her eyes took on a haunted and vacant expression and she tried to stifle her cries. "You were the reason, Blair."

"What do you mean?"

She still didn't get it and he had to make himself perfectly clear. "I didn't try to kill myself because of Bart's death. I did it because you left. You broke me, Blair." He whispered on a harsh breath of air.

Blair raised a hand to her chest, like she had been mortally wounded. "You did this because of me?" She did nothing to try and hide her sobs.

He nodded curtly. "Yes, I did. You left me when my father had just died, Blair. You know how much that his death hurt me, but nothing has ever made me feel the pain you did when you vanished into thin air. I went to look for you that night because I had to find you." His eyes glazed over as he remembered the turn of events of that night. "You know that you were the only one that I would ever come to because you're the only one that's ever gotten me. Not Chuck Bass the womanizer, but the real me. The person that I'm afraid to show to anyone because I'm terrified of being hurt. I don't show my emotions and you know that, but I always have to you."

She could feel his pain radiating across the room and all she wanted to do was take it away, but she couldn't. It was all because of her. That truth caused a convulsion to go through her body and she buried her head in her arms while her small body shook with sobs.

Chuck continued as though he hadn't even been interrupted. His voice took on a dark, haunted tone. "When I went to your penthouse and I saw that you left, I couldn't believe it. I double checked your room and _everything_ was gone. That's when I realized that you had left. I stayed in your room for hours just hoping that somehow you would come back and offer me some explanation as to why you weren't there. But it never happened. I left and wandered aimlessly around the city for hours and that's when I decided to do it."

Blair wiped at her tears furiously. "I still don't understand. Why would you do that to yourself just because I had left?"

Their eyes met across the room and the bitterness was gone, but in it's place was a pain deeply reflected in his brown irises and it was reflected in his soul. "How can you ask me that? You know the answer, Blair."

"No, I don't." She stood up hurriedly and her robe became disarrayed, but she did nothing to fix it.

He started to move towards her and she backed up until her back finally hit the wall. "Let me make it perfectly clear, Waldorf," his tone was snide and abrupt. "I did this to myself because I was in love with you!" Her mouth opened on a silent gasp, but he paid no attention to that. "I couldn't bear to think that I would never see you again and knowing the fact that you left meant to me that you didn't care about me at all. My life has always been nothing without you and I didn't want to live without you anymore. I thought that I would be better off dead."

As soon as he stopped speaking, she threw her arms around him and hugged him tightly. He placed his arms around her after a moment's hesitation. They stayed like that for several moments, rocking back and forth, and sharing in each other's pain. Blair touched his face gently, as though he was made of marble and the slightest touch would break him and send him over the edge.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered it over and over again, more to herself than to him. "How?"

Her question jolted him back to reality and he said harshly, "Don't ask me that."

"I _need_ to know, Chuck." She insisted and continued to stare at him because she wasn't going to back down now.

"You don't."

"I do."

"That's not important anymore, Blair."

"Will you just fucking tell me!"

"Fine," he said savagely. He began to pace around the room in circles, willing himself to tell her the truth that she craved. "There was a party. I went inside, got rip roaring drunk, took some blow, and found myself on a rooftop. I had a bottle of scotch in one hand and everything was blurry and then suddenly there was the realization that I didn't want to live anymore. All I had to do was lean slightly over the building and I knew that I would fall to my death. I began contemplating it and in my hazy and drunk mind, it felt like the perfect solution to my problem."

"What happened then?" Blair asked so quietly, that she wasn't even sure that she had spoken.

He whipped his head around to look at her, but saw that her tears had finally stopped, although a new batch was now glimmering in her eyes. As much as she had caused him pain over the years, he hated doing this to her. It just made everything worse, but this was what she had wanted. "Serena found me just as I almost had one foot dangling over the roof. Nate was right behind her and they pulled me back to safety. This is one of the reasons why Serena and I have become so close. From that night on, it's been different between the two of us." His voice raised in decibel as he asked, "Was that enough to satisfy your curiosity or do you still have something to ask me?"

Her bottom lip began to tremble again. "We have to stay away from each other. I can't let there be even the slightest chance of this ever happening again. You need to leave. Now." She stressed the point and turned away from him, issuing Chuck out of her life for good.


	9. Chapter 9

Blair was waiting for Ben at the atelier. His flight was scheduled to land an hour ago and he should be there any minute. His business with his mother had gone well in France and he wanted to report it back to her. Blair couldn't help her mind from drifting to Chuck and his revelation that he had tried to kill himself because she had left. She shivered as she thought of the pain she had seen in his eyes when he told her that the reason he tried to kill himself wasn't because of Bart's death but rather because she had left and never looked back. The guilt washed over her in waves and she regretted her actions with every fiber of her being. She wondered if a person could actually drop dead from guilt. If so then she was on her way to a slow and painful death.

She hadn't seen Chuck since she had told him that she couldn't be around him anymore. He seemed to be honoring her wishes and another stab of pain grabbed hold of her heart. They had fucked things up to the point that they would never be repairable.

Blair moved over to one of the dress forms that currently were holding one of the new designs she had created. She fingered the black eyelet lace absently and didn't even hear Ben come in until he placed a hand on her shoulder and said, "Blair?"

She jumped slightly and pasted a smile on her face. "Ben, I've been waiting for you." She hugged him.

"Are you alright?" He questioned her after she didn't let go of him.

"No. No, I'm not but I don't want to talk about it." She pushed a lock of hair behind her ear and sat down in a plush chair and tried to focus her mind on the events at hand and not what she couldn't change. "How was your trip?"

Blair's mind tuned out what he was saying and she found herself toying with her engagement ring. She twisted the sparkler around and around her finger until she ultimately took it off. She held it in her hand and looked at it shinning against the palm of her hand. "I can't do it," she said as she interrupted him from what he was saying.

He looked down at the ring in her hand and sighed. "I figured it was going to come to this at some point. You want the arrangement to be over?"

"It has to be, Ben. This isn't right for us anymore. I need more than an arranged marriage and so do you." Blair smiled sadly before continuing, "I love you. I think the future holds more for us than this. We're better than this."

He knelt beside her and put a hand on her knee. "Are you sure, Blair? There isn't anything that I can do to change your mind? This can still be good for us and just what we need."

She shook her head. "Be proud of who you are, Ben. It's time to show your parents that they can't control you anymore and that you won't stop being who you are because they don't deem it proper or right. You have nothing to be ashamed of and never have." Blair finally looked at him with tears swimming in her eyes. "You're such a good man and you've proven that to me so many times. Take a chance on yourself and be happy. If your parents can't accept you still then you'll prove to them that you can be a success on your own and don't need their money. I have faith that they'll come around eventually."

Ben nodded once and squeezed her hand. "You're right, Blair."

"I'm a Waldorf. Of course I'm right!"

He chuckled softly. She made a move to give him back the ring but he closed her palm so the ring remained nestled in her hand. "Keep it as a memento of all the good times we had together."

"I will, Ben. I'll remember how our friendship brought us together."

Xoxo

"Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!"

Chuck heard Meg shrieking his name with exuberance and smiled to himself. They had just gotten back from the park where she had tried to bury him in the sandbox. Not once or twice but three times. They had also played on the swings and slide. He loved his daughter but she sure could wear him out. He had a lot left to learn about three year olds he supposed.

He went into his daughter's bedroom and saw her sitting on the floor with her dark brown hair covering her face. He had to marvel again on how much she looked like him. It was almost like looking into a mirror and seeing himself in girl form. It made him happy that she looked so much like him.

"Play with me!" she giggled happily.

_Uh-oh _he thought as he got a good look at the toys she wanted to play with. Barbies. He got uncomfortable immediately of playing with something so girly and stuffed his hands in his pinstriped trousers.

"Are you sure you want daddy to play these with you?"

"Uh-huh!" Meg said gleefully.

Chuck sighed inwardly but sat Indian style on the floor next to her. She had her wrapped around her finger. Who would have thought Chuck Bass would ever contemplate playing with Barbies? He would do it for her though. He would do anything she asked.

He laughed before saying, "Then Barbies it is!" Meg smiled at him and he felt his heart melt. The happiness this little girl brought him. She made him whole and he loved her more than he thought it was possible to love another person. He might still have had a lot to learn about being a father but he couldn't wait to learn it with her.

"Which one am I playing with?"

She passed him a Barbie with blonde hair and took another one with a glam ball gown on for herself. "Why is mine naked, Meg?"

She laughed that girlish laugh he loved so much and said, "Because you have to dress her daddy!"

His eyebrows raised slightly on his forehead as he couldn't believe that he had a naked doll in his hand. Then he noticed a case of doll clothes and starting sorting through it before picking out a long and sparkly red dress.

"Brush her hair too daddy!" She handed him a brush and he started doing as she asked. His daughter was having so much fun and that's when he realized that he was too. He wouldn't rather be doing anything else then be right here with her. After a time Meg got tired of playing and leaned her head against Chuck's chest and started to fall asleep. Just before she drifted off to sleep she asked, "Take a nap with me daddy?"

He put an arm around her and said, "Always."

Xoxo

"S!" Blair practically screamed her name as she stormed into Serena's penthouse that she shared with Nate. Serena came out a moment later looking confused at the tone of the voice that Blair was using with her.

"What's the matter, B?"

She moved closer until she was toe to toe with Serena. "How could you not tell me, Serena? How could you keep it from me? Why would you let me be blindsided by such a secret?"

Serena's eyes got wide as she finally seemed to realize that Chuck had told her what he had almost done. She grabbed Blair's hand and pulled her down to the couch. She put an arm around her shoulders and calmly said, "It wasn't my secret to tell. The only person that could ever tell you that was Chuck." She pleaded with her eyes for her to understand.

"You could have at least warned me that what he had to tell me was life-changing!"

"B, think of how Chuck would have felt if I had told you. The emotional pain behind keeping that in was bad for him. I'm so glad he finally told you. You needed to know."

Blair knew she was right but wasn't about to say so. She was still miffed that Serena didn't at least give her some type of warning. Her eyes were suddenly drawn to her slightly rounded tummy. She was starting to show and Blair felt a stab of envy. What Serena had with Nate was what Blair wanted. She wanted that with Chuck. She would never have that though. She had killed part of the soul of the man she loved.

"Blair?"

Tears fell down her face silently. "I can't believe that I made him do that, S. If I had known…" she trailed off and didn't finish what she had been about to say.

"Would you have come back home if you knew about his suicide attempt?"

"I don't know," she said honestly. "I was just a kid, S. I didn't know what I was doing. I thought I was doing the right thing because I knew Chuck and I weren't ready to raise a child. Look at all the pain I caused him." She wiped at her tears with her hand.

Serena noticed her swollen Blair's eyes were and would guess that she probably had been crying for days. "You can't change what happened, Blair. It's in the past and while you both will never forget what happened, all you can do is move on and try to fix the mistakes that you both made."

"When did you get so wise?"

Serena laughed lightly. "I did a lot of growing up while you weren't here too, Blair. I'm a different person, a better one."

"You were always a good person, S." She hugged her best friend and they stayed like that for a while before Blair spoke again. "I'll never forgive myself. I don't think I can ever face him again."

She seemed to get an inkling of what Blair was trying to say and her mouth gaped open. "You're not going to say what I think you are, are you?"

Blair nodded. "It has to be this way, S. I'm leaving and this time I'm never coming back."

"Blair! You aren't thinking clearly! Chuck just found out that Meg was his daughter and now you're going to take her away from him?"

"Of course not. I'm not that cruel Serena. We'll have to work out some kind of custody arrangement. How many parents don't live in the same state or country and share custody? Millions. This is just the way it will have to be."

Serena couldn't believe what she was hearing and was going to have to get through to her friend in some way. "What about your job? Where will you live?"

"I already talked it over with mother. I'm going back to France and taking over the reins there. I'll go back to Paris and leave Meg here with Chuck for a week while I set everything up and then we'll work up an agreement and it will be best for the three of us." Her mind was made up. Serena might think she was being selfish but Blair knew differently. She was doing this for Chuck. He would always look at her and see what she had driven him to. She needed to set him free and not look back. Chuck needed to heal, not be reminded of her betrayal and what she had done every day of his life.

"How is this best for Meg?"

"She won't have to see us argue, Serena. She won't see the ugliness between us. Time isn't going to heal his wounds and I can't stand seeing the pain I've caused him."

Serena chose her next words carefully and did everything she could to convince Blair she was making a mistake. "It doesn't have to be this way for the both of you, B. Chuck can forgive you in time but you can't run away. You have to stay and deal with what your leaving did the last time. There can still be hope for the both of you. Don't give up. You owe it Chuck but more importantly you owe it to Meg."

Blair shook her head and her curls cascaded everywhere. "It's done and the arrangements have already been made. I leave tonight."

Xoxo

Once Meg was tucked in and asleep for the night Chuck checked his phone. There were seven missed calls from Serena and two voicemails. Fear took hold of his emotions and he knew even before listening to the voicemails that he wasn't going to like what she told him.

"Fuck," he muttered out loud before dialing his voicemail and carefully listening.

"_Chuck!" Serena started out the message shrieking. "You need to call me back immediately. Drop whatever you're doing and call me before it's too late."_

The second voicemail was more of the same. Serena had a tendency to overreact and make a big deal of things but he didn't think that's what she was doing here. She sounded serious and for the first time in a long time fear clutched his heart and wouldn't let go.

He dialed Serena's number and cursed her for not answering on the first ring. She did answer on the second though.

"Chuck! Finally!" Her voice was high pitched and he knew something was horribly wrong.

"What is it sis?"

"Blair's leaving tonight. She isn't coming back, Chuck. You have to stop her before it's too late."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" The rage was boiling up inside of him again.

"She thinks that she needs to leave and never come back so she doesn't hurt you again. Blair can't take what she made you do and she needs to get away from it."

"What about our daughter?" he barked out.

"She's leaving Meg in your care for the week while she sets everything up in France. Then she wants to work out a custody arrangement that suits you both with your lawyers."

"Fuck!"

"Chuck, calm down. You have to get her before she boards that plane. If she does she's never coming back and you know it. We both know how headstrong Blair is when she gets an idea in her mind. She's unrelenting."

Chuck tore at his hair as he thought of what Blair was doing. Surprisingly he wasn't as angry as thought, more disappointed that she felt like this was the only option.

"Bring her back, Chuck."

"I'm already on it, sis."

Xoxo

As soon as the limo came to a stop at the private airport Chuck almost tore the latch from the handle trying to get out. His eyes looked around wildly until his eyes found her. She was just about to step foot on a plane. He ran until he caught up to her and she didn't seem to notice the pounding of his footsteps on the pavement that signaled his arrival. He grabbed her arm and turned her around before quietly saying her name.

"Chuck." She turned around and looked at him before lowering her eyes. "You won't change my mind. I'm leaving."

He wanted to shake her at her proclamation. "You aren't leaving, Waldorf."

"I am."

"God damn it! No you aren't, Blair!"

The light returned to her eyes as she narrowed them at him. "Don't tell me what I'm going to do, Bass! If you haven't noticed you aren't the boss of me." She shrugged his hand off of her and said, "Just let me go."

He noticed that she seemed defeated again. His anger came roaring back. "I can't let you leave. I just found Meg after all this time and now you're going to take her away from me again! What the fuck kind of game is this?"

Blair's dark eyes shot daggers at him once she heard his statement. "This isn't a game! I feel guilty that I'm the one that almost drove you to suicide and would have if it wasn't for Serena and Nate. I need to leave so we both can move on from the pain, Chuck. We can't live in the same city, let alone the same country. It just won't work."

"What's your plan then?" he hissed the words out. "Am I supposed to wait months to see my daughter?"

"I don't know. I haven't thought it all out yet. We can make it work though. I promise you that."

"Your promises mean nothing to me, Blair." He instantly regretted his words when he saw her head whip up and meet his gaze. He knew his eyes were cold and she looked crestfallen. Even when she was planning on taking his daughter away from him he wanted to comfort her. All he wanted to do was take her in her arms and reassure her that everything would be alright. He never wanted to let her go. He didn't do what he wanted to do. Instead he gripped both of her hands in his and pleaded with her not to go.

"I don't see any other option, Chuck. I'm sorry but if I stay it's always going to remind you of what I almost drove you to."

"If you leave I will make your life living hell and sue for full custody." He enunciated every word and a look of pure fear spread across her face.

"You wouldn't."

"I might."

"Chuck, don't."

"Then don't make me, Waldorf."

"I just don't want to be the cause of your pain anymore."

He touched her cheek and caressed it with the pad of his thumb. "You'll be the only cause of my pain if you leave. I want you to stay."

Her breath hitched at his words and she placed her hand around his. "Why?"

"This is where you belong. In New York. With me."

Her eyes searched his for the meaning behind his words. She didn't know if he meant that he wanted them all together to raise Meg or that he wanted her in New York for more than that. "Serena thinks there's still a chance for us."

"I don't know if there is or not, Blair. If you leave we'll never know."

"Do you want there to be a chance for us, Bass?"

"I can't say I do," he said honestly. "I want you here so we can raise our daughter together but who knows what can happen if you do stay."

She looked like she was still going to bolt and she looked sad. His words had cut her deep but Meg was the most important thing right now and she was his priority.

"Stay for me."

"I don't know if I can, Chuck." Blair said as her eyes welled up with tears.

"You can. I need you here. I'm not Chuck Bass if Blair Waldorf isn't here with me. Stay."

**A/N: That's an evil cliffhanger, I know! The next chapter will reveal if Blair left or stayed and many other things. I just have to say a personal thank you to anyone who is still interested in this story and reading it. Thank you for sticking by it! Remember that reviews feed my creative muse. **


	10. Chapter 10

The plan was to get rip roaring drunk. That wasn't working out too well for Chuck. Instead the more he drank the angrier he got. He was sitting on his bed with a bottle of scotch in his hand and a snifter in the other. Glass after glass of scotch went smoothly down his stomach until he drained the bottle. He got up and went to his liquor cabinet and got a bottle of brandy out. He held the bottle to him but did not open it or pour himself a drink.

Blair. Just the thought of her name right now sent rage through him. He had told her he needed her in his life and that he wasn't Chuck Bass without her and she still left. He had gotten played again by her. He had been a fool for love once and it looked like he was going down the same road again. This time he would stop himself before it was too late.

He was pissed and angry, but most of all he was just hurt. Hurt that she had left again. Hurt that he still fucking cared about her. Hurt that her absence created a huge hole in his life and his heart. Thinking about her pained him and he pushed all thoughts of Blair out.

He got up and stumbled across the plush floors of the bedroom. In his drunken stupor he heard the ding of the elevator. He knew it would be Serena but he was in no mood for her company. He wanted to see no one and it would be that way for a long time.

Serena's heels clicked on the floor as she softly called out his name.

"In here," he murmured quietly and found that he needed her comfort right now. He needed someone he could trust and who better than his sister.

A moment later she was beside him. Serena tried to take the bottle of brandy out of his hands but he clutched it tightly to him as though it were a lifeline.

"Chuck," Serena whispered his name and sat down beside him. "Give me the bottle."

"I need it."

"Don't you think you've drank enough already?"

"No," he said very quietly. "I could never drink enough to erase all this pain." He glanced up at his sister and the sympathetic glance she was giving him made him want to throw the glass he was holding and watch it shatter into a million pieces. She pitied him and he hated it.

"Give me the bottle." She repeated it but sternly this time.

Chuck finally relented and handed it over to her.

"Blair…" she started but stopped when she saw the grimace that must have crossed his face. "She called me from Paris, Chuck. She's a mess. I think she regrets leaving already."

"Does it look like I give a fuck, Serena? She made her choice."

"Yes it looks like you give a _fuck_. Why else would you slowly be drinking yourself to death?"

A growl escaped from somewhere deep inside his chest. Damn her! He didn't know if he was cursing Blair or Serena at the moment, but he thought it was probably both.

"We need to bring her back home, Chuck."

He scoffed. "You think I'm the man for that job?"

"You're the only person that has ever been able to get through to her." Serena placed a consoling hand on Chuck's arm before continuing. "I know you're hurting but she is too. She's never stopped loving you and I know she's done a horrible job of showing it but she's so in love with you that she left her home to try and make it more peaceful for you."

"Don't Serena. She left for herself. She left because it's easier for her not to deal with her mistakes"

"Don't you see? She left to help you heal, Chuck. She knows how much pain her past actions have caused you and that seeing her is a reminder of every scar she's inflicted upon you. She left so you could be whole again. I don't agree with her but she thinks it's the right thing to do for you. Deep down she believes that you hate her even if you don't vocalize it because she hates herself. You might not have healed from it but neither has she. She's been carrying around so much guilt for years and it's eating away at her. There's something that Blair doesn't realize though."

His sister's words were starting to get through to him a little bit. What she said made sense but at the same damn time it sounded like bullshit to him even though he knew it wasn't and that was just the anger talking to him. "What's that?"

"Blair doesn't know that you love her as much as she loves you, if not more."

Chuck's dark eyes slid up to Serena's but he said nothing.

"Your non-answer was answer enough."

"What is it that you want me to do?"

"Give her a push in the right direction." When Serena saw that he was about to argue she held up a hand to stall him. "If you can't do it for yourself then do it for your daughter. Be vocal with your feelings for Blair so you can both start over and be a family with Meg."

Chuck stood suddenly and drew Serena up with him. He put his arms around her waist and laid his head on her chest. Her arms went around his neck and she hugged him while silent tears fell down his face. She stroked his back until his tears settled and he regained control of himself. Slightly embarrassed by his outburst of emotion he moved away from her and spoke. "Thank you. I appreciate everything. I'll think about everything you said."

She smiled and nodded. "Never thank me. I know you'll do the right thing for everyone."

She asked if he wanted her to stay but he declined. Once his sister left he went into the bathroom and turned on the faucets to start a shower. When the water was steaming hot he got inside and let it wash over him as he contemplated everything that she had mentioned.

There wasn't much more pain he could take when it came to Blair. If he did go and try to bring her home and she didn't want to come he would have to be done with her for good. Forever. He couldn't keep caring and being disappointed. It was killing him inside but Blair not being here was killing him too. He wanted to bring her home so Meg would have both her parents in the same city. He needed them to be a family for her sake. She deserved that and he would give his daughter anything she wanted.

His feelings for Blair were confusing to say the least. Sometimes he hated her and others he knew he couldn't live without her. There was a fine line between love and hate, and fortunately for both of them he could never learn to hate her even when she deserved it. He needed her like he needed his next breath. In the end when he made his decision he wasn't thinking of his daughter but of himself this time.

He would have to bring his Waldorf home once and for all and this time he would not be taking no for an answer.

**A/N: I've decided to post these in shorter chapters so I can update more frequently. I know I've had this story on the shelf for almost four years but if you're reading this, please let me know what you thought. This story will be wrapped up in four or five chapters and they are all planned out so no more waiting. Thank you as always for reading!**


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